Crash ON HIATUS
by 3kdz4me
Summary: ON HIATUS- Set in New Moon, Bella returns to Jacksonville after Edward leaves her in the forest. She moves on with her life, but what will happen when the family who abandoned her returns after a devastating accident? Rated M for discussion of suicide
1. Chapter 1 He's Gone

**BPOV**

_He's gone._

Those words played over and over again in my head. A mantra that I couldn't escape from. I was numb. I felt nothing. I was empty. My heart, my life, it was all gone the moment he walked away. Edward Cullen was gone.

Of course, it all made sense once I was able to really look at it. Why would he want me? I was "so human." Riddled with imperfection. Edward was perfect in every way. I don't really know why I ever let myself believe that he loved me in the first place. It's just that I had never wanted anything more in my life than to be with Edward forever. I didn't deserve him, though, and I knew it. He knew it. He as much as told me so when he left.

I don't know what to do now. I can't breathe.

Charlie, as good as he was at giving me space, couldn't keep away. He was so worried about me. I can't blame him. I was nothing more than a zombie. I could hear him talking to the doctor downstairs. The doctor wanted to put me in a hospital for conditions like mine. I knew what he meant, but I didn't care. Charlie wouldn't hear of it, though. He called my Mom. She came the next day and started to pack up my room. I screamed and threw a fit, but finally resigned myself to the knowledge that I could wait in Forks forever and a day, and Edward still wouldn't come back to me.

It will be as if I never existed, he said. I think it was the other way around. I think that perhaps in his mind, I was part of his long buried past. I didn't exist to Edward Cullen. Not anymore. So. . . I went. I kissed Charlie goodbye, got on a plane, and went to Florida to be with my Mom and Phil.

I finished high school in Jacksonville. Phil had gotten a somewhat steady job and they had a nice house with plenty of room for me. We were close to the beach and I spent a lot of my time there, just passing time. That was all that was left for me now - to watch the time go by.

After graduation, my parents & Phil pressed me into going to college. I guess that at 18, I really couldn't just sit and wallow in my misery all day. I had to get on with my life, even if I didn't feel like I had one any more. Who was I now, without Edward?

I went to a local college so that I could stay with Mom and Phil. My first day of classes was okay. I figured out where my classes would be and actually enjoyed some of the electives I was taking. I have always had an interest in classic literature, so the first few assignments in that class would be a breeze. I had chosen a seat in the back of the room for my first literature class when a student came to sit beside me. He was tall, attractive and looked nervous. I noticed him looking at me, but really didn't think anything of it. I was so used to that from Forks High School that it didn't really register with me at all.

As the semester continued, I noticed that he would always choose the seat next to me, no matter where I sat. I didn't mind, but mostly because he kept to himself. I would give him a polite smile, and he would smile back. There was no more than that until close to the end of the semester. I watching him walk up as usual, but this time there seemed to be something different about him. He looked at me, took his usual seat beside me, and didn't look away.

His name was Mark and he said that he noticed I had been doing quite well in the class and admitted that he was having some trouble. He asked for my help as a tutor, of sorts. My first instinct was to say no, but since I had recently decided that I no longer could stand to wallow in self misery, I decided to give it a shot. Besides, I really needed a friend. I agreed and we set up a time to meet and talk about the assignments. I selected a neutral setting - the student's center in the middle of campus.

We met that day, and once a week after that for the rest of the semester. It was nice to have someone to talk to that didn't know anything about my past. Someone who knew nothing of Edward. Could I move on with my life? I had to.

Mark was patient and kind. He could tell that I was hurting and he never pushed me to talk, but talk I finally did. I started to look forward to our weekly meetings, relish in them even. It was like the giant hole in my heart was starting to ease, just a little, at the edges. Mark was no Edward, but he was a good friend. He knew I was broken and he didn't care.

Weekly turned to bi-weekly, then eventually, every day. Goodnight pecks turned into heated kisses and I knew that Mark was helping me to heal. It felt good to be with him and know that someone out there really did want me. Edward didn't want me, but Mark did. I still loved Edward with all of my heart, but I found that I could also love Mark. I would love Mark. I would choose this.

Mark proposed. I accepted, and then cried all night long. Would Edward forgive me? I pushed the thought from my mind. This is what he said he wanted for me, after all, to move on without him. I knew that I would never love Mark the way I did Edward, but I also knew that it would be enough and I cared about Mark enough to give him all that I had left of myself.

We were married in the summer after our Freshman year of college. It was just a small ceremony. I knew Alice would have gone crazy with the lack of decoration and detail that I allowed, and it made me chuckle just to think of what she would say. I wondered if she knew, if they knew. I wondered if they ever thought about me at all. That was silly, though, wasn't it? They left me, without so much as a goodbye. It still stung to think that I was so wrong about their feelings for me. I could be sure of Mark's feelings, though, and those were the ones that I clung to.

I gave myself to Mark in every way on our wedding night. It took me some time in the bathroom, crying and rocking back and forth before I could go through with it, but I did it. I had been planning to give this gift to Edward, but he didn't want it. What man would? How could I offer this to Mark? Would he want me? He did. He loved me completely. I willed myself to see only him as we made love that first time. I really did love Mark, but in the back of my mind, tormenting me, Edward was always there.

Phil got an offer for a job back in Phoenix, so he and Rene sold the house and moved back. Mark and I had found a nice 2 bedroom apartment to rent close to the beach.

Six months after our wedding, I was late. My period had always been like clock work, but this month, no period. I was terrible about remembering to take my pills every night - had I forgotten again? Could this be happening? I waited a few days more, then couldn't stand it. I bought a pregnancy test, and while Mark was out, I used it and waited the longest 3 minutes of my life before looking at the stick.

Pregnant.

I had been healing with Mark. Things were finally good with me. He loved me so completely and honestly. It was really more than I had ever hoped for. Now, we would bring a child into this life and that could only extend our joy. I couldn't wait to tell him. Every Tuesday night, we had a date night. Things were so busy with work and classes that we had carved out this time each week to just be together. This Tuesday night would be the most special one yet. Mark and I got ready for our dinner out and hopped in the car. We were going to our favorite Mexican restaurant and I couldn't wait. I was hoping that Mark wouldn't immediately notice that I was passing on my usual margarita this time.

Mark turned onto the street where the restaurant was and I saw light coming straight at us. The impact was deafening. All was going black. Mark. . . Mark. . .where are you?

_He's gone._


	2. Chapter 2 Trip Home

**AN: This is my first Fan Fiction, and I was very nervous to hit publish! Let me know what you think so far, and go easy on me! I cry like a baby! LOL**

* * *

**APOV**

I wasn't supposed to be watching for her. Edward had asked, no _demanded_, that I not look for her future. It was involuntary though. I saw Bella in a car with a man. They looked happy. I think Bella had a wedding ring on her finger. A wedding ring? Was this man her husband? Had she gotten married? For some reason that made me both happy and sad. Another car came out of nowhere and broadsided Bella's car. I could tell that the man driving was dead. Bella looked alive, but just barely. She was covered in blood - not the first time I've seen her like that.

"Alice, what's wrong? What did you see?" Jasper asked.

The look on my face and the sadness radiating from me must have given me away.

"It's Bella. I just saw her get into a car accident. I think she's going to live though. I can't say the same for the man with her." I explained.

Jasper said, "Have you been searching for her future? You know that Edw-"

I cut him off, "I know Jazz, but it just popped into my head. You know how much I love Bella. This distance has been hard on me too. Edward is asking too much of me." I said. "Jazz, I think. . . .I think Bella was married. I need to speak to Esme."

Jasper and I had been living separate from the family for a while now. Emmett and Rose did too. When Edward forced us to take Bella out of our lives, our family literally fell apart. Still, I knew I had to talk to someone who loved Bella as much as I did. I dialed the familiar number.

"Esme, it's Alice. I've seen something and I need to talk to you about it."

"Of course, Alice, go ahead. I do hope everyone is okay." Esme replied.

"It's Bella. I've seen her in a car accident in Florida."

I heard Esme gasp and then she asked, "Is she alive?"

"Yes," I answered, "but barely. There's something else, Esme. I think she got married. The man driving the car died. I think he was her husband."

I could hear Esme's tearless sobs on the other end of the phone. Her heart, like mine, was breaking. "She's been left again, Alice. She must be broken."

Broken. Again. Stupid Edward and his stupid rules. I was so mad at him I couldn't see straight. "We have to do something. Can Carlisle call and find out how she is? Say he's her doctor from home?" I begged.

"I'll talk to him. Come home, Alice. I need you and Jasper here. This family needs to be together again."

She was right. I needed them, and Bella needed us. Now we just had to convince Bella of that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jasper, Emmett, Rose and I all headed for our new home. Carlisle and Esme had settled in Seattle.

Carlisle called the hospital in Jacksonville and found out that Bella had re-broken the leg that James had broken in Phoenix. She also had a broken arm, several cracked ribs and a concussion. The man in the car with her had passed away and he was her husband, Mark Richards. That wasn't the worst part though. Due to abdominal trauma, Bella had miscarried a baby. Bella had been pregnant. Not very far along, but far enough that she knew. When Carlisle told Esme and me the news, Esme was distraught. Telling Rose was worse. As much as I had known she always wanted a baby, and as much as I knew she didn't like Bella, the thought of Bella taking a chance at life and motherhood, and then losing it crushed Rose. For the first time ever, she felt bad for Bella.

Though Bella would heal from her physical wounds, her mental state was critical. They had her heavily medicated and mentioned that they felt she was a suicide risk.

"I don't think we have a choice, Carlisle," I said to him, "Bella needs us now more than ever. She's alone."

"Alice, I don't disagree," he told me, "but what about Edward's wishes? He asked us not to interfere."

"To hell with Edward!" Rose shrieked. "He has caused enough pain. A baby, Carlisle! A baby! She was going to have a baby." she ended in a whisper. Emmett put his arm around her.

"I agree with Alice," Emmett said, "my little sister needs us."

"Will she forgive us though, Emmett, for leaving her? We all left her, not just Edward." Esme sobbed.

"It's Bella." Emmett said, simply. "She always forgives us!" he snorted.

He was right. We all agreed that we had to go to her and try to convince her to come home with us. We found out that Rene and Phil had moved back to Phoenix and the hospital said that Bella flat out refused to return to Forks so that her father could nurse her back to health. "Too many bad memories," she told them.

"Jasper, call your man Jenks in Seattle and have him draw up paperwork giving me medical consent for Bella. We need to make sure we have all the bases covered." Carlisle told him.

Bella was alone, and we had to form a plan. We also needed to find Edward. With or without his help, we were going to try and make this right.

**

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**

**BPOV**

Mark was buried today, they told me. I wasn't released to go to his funeral. Mark only had the one aunt still living, so he didn't have a big ceremony. Just some friends from work and school. I requested that they bury him with a teddy bear. That was my way of saying goodbye to our baby. The one we never got a chance to know. They were buried together, my husband and child.

I was alone now. Truly alone. Rene offered to come stay at the apartment with me, if and when they ever released me. I refused. Charlie offered me my room back in Forks, but there was no way I could go there. Losing Mark and the baby was already more pain than I could handle. I couldn't return to the place where my true love had left me also. I could not return to where I had loved and lost Edward.

It was these thoughts that were keeping me locked inside my head for days. . .weeks. . .years? I wrestled with them in my mind while I was awake, and in my dreams as I slept. At this point, I really couldn't tell the difference anymore. Worse than that, I didn't care. I just wanted all the pain to end.

Through the haze and fog in my brain, one thing became clear. I didn't want to live anymore. I found myself dreaming that Jasper had killed me that day at my party. In my fantasies, I could see him with his teeth at my throat, slowly draining my life away. It was bliss. _Pure bliss_. I wished he would appear and take my pain away. I vaguely remember hearing the medical staff say something about upping a dosage and "suicide risk." They were right. I wanted to die.

That's when I heard the voice. I had heard it in my head thousands of times, but this was different. It was clearer, more beautiful, and closer. Alice. My Alice. I wondered if Jasper was with her. I wondered if he had come to take away my pain.

* * *

**APOV**

Carlisle and I had taken a flight to Florida and made our way to see Bella in the psych ward at the hospital in Jacksonville. When we walked in her room, her eyes were open but she wasn't looking at us. Her eyes were unfocused and she seemed to be talking to herself. It was frightening. Her eyes were sunken in with dark circles around them. She had lost weight and looked very weak. Her leg and arm were in casts. I choked back a sob. Carlisle sucked in a sharp breath. "Bella, what has happened to you?" I asked.

I could tell that she heard me, though she did not look at us as we stood in her room. She smiled and called me by name. "It's almost over now," she whispered.

"Carlisle. . . what does she mean?"

"I'm not sure," he replied, "she's out of her head. This is worse than I thought, Alice. We need to get her home."

Since Bella was legally an adult, we had to have her consent to take her back with us to Seattle where we told them that Dr. Cullen would resume his work as her primary physician. Carlisle had the paperwork that Jasper had procured for him, but even still, they asked her if she wanted to go with us. She agreed without any reservation. Frankly, I think they were glad to be rid of her. She frightened them too.

I made a few calls and had movers come and pack up her apartment. We put everything in a storage pod and had it sent to Seattle. If Bella wanted her things, her reminders, she would have them at hand at a moments notice. I'll admit. . .I did get rid of most of her clothes. I just couldn't bear it. I bought her all new ones.

Carlisle arranged for a medical transport for Bella to the SEA-TAC airport. With heavy hearts, we got on a plane and headed for home with our broken sister.

* * *

**BPOV**

"Mrs. Richards, would you like to be released to your former personal physician, Dr. Cullen, for further treatment? We have paperwork that gives him medical consent, is that correct?" I heard a voice ask.

"Yes. I would like that. Dr. Cullen takes good care of me." I managed to say. I loved Carlisle. This dream was great! I would get to see my family again, they would want me again and I could see Jasper. Jasper would make it all go away. My Jasper.

"Bella. Bella, it's Carlisle. I'm going to take you home. We'll help you. I'm so sorry about what has happened, but we want to help. All of us. Esme needs her daughter home. We'll take care of your apartment, dear. You don't need to worry about a thing. I'm arranging for a medical transport to get you to our new home in Seattle. I'm going to sedate you now for the flight. I'm sorry . . .I know how you feel about needles."

Then I was sleeping again. This time, it was a happy dream. I was lying on the couch with Jasper's teeth around my neck.


	3. Chapter 3 BOOKS!

**I own nothing. All characters and goodness belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**BPOV**

I sat up on the giant comfy bed I was laying on. I had no idea where I was, or what day it was, but I knew that I was no longer in the hospital. Was I in Jacksonville? This isn't my apartment. No, I was somewhere else. A house? Yes, it must be. It was so light and airy here. Lots and lots of windows. It almost reminded me of. . . no. I won't say it. I won't think it.

But. . . something tugged at my memory. _Alice. Carlisle._ Did they come for me? Why would they? I knew better than that. I would not let myself go back to that place where I waited for them to come back to me. I was being silly and I had to be strong again. It was so hard to be strong, though, when I everything was so hazy from the drugs in my system.

I heard a noise come from the other side of the door, and slowly it opened. My jaw dropped open as I saw someone I never expected to see again walking in with a tray of food. _Esme._

My memories of her didn't do her justice. Esme glided into the room like a beautiful angel. My heart leapt in my chest just to see her.

"I wasn't sure if you were hungry, dear, so I brought you something just in case. We are so glad to have you home," She said as she set the tray down in front of me. I realized that I was starving and everything looked delicious. It took me a moment to realize that she was really there with me.

"Esme," I started to say as I ate, "I don't . . ."

Esme laid a hand on my arm and shushed me, "Bella, it's all okay. I know that you are hurting, and I know that we have a lot to talk about. Let's do that later, when you are feeling better. What you need to do now is rest and heal. We want to take care of you and help you. You are family, Bella. That is what is most important right now."

There was that word again – _we_. I wondered who all was here. Was he here? The look on my face must have given my thoughts away.

"Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Carlisle and I are all here for you Bella," She told me.

Of course he wasn't here. What was I thinking? Hadn't he made himself perfectly clear? I thought I had moved on, but here I was, feeling that hole in my chest rip wide open again. I felt that I knew why the Cullens really wanted me around. It was pity. They felt bad for me. Alice must have seen my accident and now they felt bad for the human girl. It was almost more than I could stand. Mark was gone, my baby was gone and Edward still didn't want me. I needed to make a plan.

**

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**APOV**

I could see it in my head. I knew what Bella was planning. "How could she do that to Jasper?" was my first thought. Then I realized that this wasn't the Bella we used to know. This was the Bella who had experienced so much pain and loss. We had to make this right for her. . . .but how?

I went to look for Carlisle. He was in his study reading.

"Come in, Alice," he said as he sensed me at the door, "I assume you are here to talk about Bella?"

I nodded. "I've seen something, Carlisle, and it's very troubling." I went on to tell him about Bella's plan.

_She was breaking a blade out of her razor from the shower and cutting the skin at her wrist. Then, she was calling for Jasper, hoping that the smell of her fresh blood would entice him to make another attempt at draining her._ _Her face was peaceful. . . .happy. _

She seemed to want to die. He had suspected as much, but like me, was surprised at what she was planning. I didn't understand the peaceful look on her face in my vision. Carlisle explained that in some cases, when someone decides to end their life, and they have all the plans made, a sense of calm washes over them. They are usually happier right before their attempt than they have been in ages. This disturbed us both.

"I think we should call Edward," he said, "I wanted to wait, but I really think we are running out of time. Esme wanted to bring him home when we first went to get her, but I made her wait. Perhaps we should just stop waiting. I think that right now, Edward is Bella's only chance to find happiness again. Now I just need to talk some sense into him so that he doesn't push her away again. If he does, I'm afraid that we will lose her forever."

Carlisle told me that he would contact Edward, so I headed out to try and help her any way I could. Just then, I heard Emmett's booming laugh and I got an idea. Emmett loved Bella like a sister. He would do anything for her. Could he help ease her pain with friendship and laughter? If anyone could, it was Emmett for sure. I formed a new plan – Operation Emmett! That would have to do until we could get Edward here to help.

I needed to talk to Jasper. I wanted to explain to him about Bella's delusions. I just hoped that he would understand.

**

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**

EPOV

My phone was ringing again. Should I answer it? I had been living a solitary life for a while now and I wasn't sure I really wanted to talk to anyone from my family. I had forced them to move again and then abandoned them. I don't know why they really wanted to talk to me anyway. I'm a mess. I have just let the misery have me. My life without Bella is empty and meaningless. I know why I left her but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I just hoped that she had moved on with her life and forgotten all about me. Who was I kidding? I didn't really want her to forget about me. I wanted her with me, in my arms, but I knew what was best for her.

After James in Phoenix, and then the disaster that was her 18th birthday party, I knew that my life was no place for Bella.

I checked the caller ID. _Carlisle_.

"Hello, Carlisle," I said as I flipped open the silver phone.

"Edward, we need you to come home, Son. Some things have happened and we need you here. Please come to the new house in Seattle. I can come pick you up at the airport," he said.

What could have happened that the felt like they needed me now? I was barely of any use to myself, let alone them.

"I'm not sure, Carlisle. I don't know what use I would be, and quite frankly, I'm a little embarrassed of my behavior," I replied.

"Edward, " Carlisle began, "the past is just that - the past. You know that you are always welcome. You are family, Son. We need you. Esme needs you. Please come as soon as you can. Will you come?"

I sighed. I owed them that. Really, I owed them much, much more, but I could at least give them that much.

"I'll come. Let me arrange the flights and I'll let you know when to pick me up. Give Esme my love and tell her I will see her soon."

**

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Emmett

**POV**

When Alice came to me to suggest that I try to cheer Bella up, I was all for it! I love Bella like a sister. Man, I hope she knows that. I'm not really good with saying things like that, but maybe I can show her.

We've all been keeping our distance from Bella while she heals, but I guess her heart isn't mending at all. Ugh. Remind me to beat Edward's ass the next time he comes home.

What can I do to cheer her up? Think, think, think. She likes books, right? Maybe a shopping trip? That might make her panic, though, thinking about the trips that Alice and Rose have taken her on.

What if I didn't tell her and just surprised her? Yes, surprise her. . . .that will work.

I headed up to Bella's room and burst in the door without knocking. She screamed.

"Dammit, Emmett! You scared the crap out of me!"

"Let's go Bella!" I told her, "Get dressed!"

"I don't have any clothes, Emmett. Somehow *cough* mine disappeared when Alice packed my things," she said.

I ran to her dresser and started pulling out random things. I pulled out a lacy camisole, "How about this one?" I teased as I wagged my eyebrows at her.

"I don't think so, Emmett," she laughed, "why do I need to get dressed anyway?"

I shrugged, "It's a surprise."

I found some clothes that would fit over her casts and went to put them on her.

"I don't think so, big boy," she told me, "I can do this on my own. Turn around!"

I did as she told me, smirking as I looked away. I was starting to see some of the feisty Bella that we all loved and missed so much. She pulled on the clothes and told me when she was finished. I scooped her up in my arms and headed to the patio doors that led to the 2nd floor balcony. Just as she turned to look at me with a questioning glance, I jumped. Bella shrieked. It was the funniest damn thing I had heard in a long time. I knew this would be good!

**

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BPOV

He jumped right off the damn balcony! I felt my heart in my throat as terror overcame me, then relief as we landed without a sound and he ran me swiftly to his jeep. I had no idea what he was up to, but honestly, I didn't care. This was as light and carefree as I had felt in a long time. I had almost forgotten how childlike Emmett could be and how this made me feel at ease around him. He buckled me in and we sped off towards town. I hadn't been out of the house since I got here and I could now see that the Cullens lived in a huge house on the edge of what appeared to be a forest. As we entered town, I could see that we were in a shopping district. I started to panic, but them I remembered who I was here with. Emmett didn't want to shop for clothes any more than I did, so this should be something fun!

I was excited and it felt good. I realized that I wanted this. I really, really wanted a break from the painful nightmare that my life had become. Why hadn't I sought out Emmett sooner?

"Emmett," I asked, "why haven't you been around much since I came to the house?"

"We were giving you space, Bells." He said simply. "Space time is over now though, and I get to take you wherever I want for the whole day!"

As it turns out, Emmett wanted to take me to a bookstore. It was one of the stores with the big, comfy chairs and a coffee café. I even got Emmett to taste my coffee. That was hilarious. He was always game to try anything at least once, so when he took a big sip, and choked, I almost fell on the floor laughing.

Laughing. I was laughing. I never thought I would feel that emotion again. It felt so damn good. We browsed the books as I hobbled around on my walking cast. Occasionally, Emmett would stick a magazine in my face with a scantily clad woman on the front and lift his eyebrows suggestively.

"I don't think that's a good choice for Rose, Emmett. You had better go with car and driver if you ever want to get back into your bedroom again." I told him with a smirk.

Every time I found a book I liked, Emmett added it to the stack. "I can't afford all of those, Emmett." I told him.

"Don't worry, Bella," he told me, "we'll just spread them out and see which ones you want to keep when we get ready to leave."

"Oh, are we leaving soon?" I asked?

"Nope. We can stay all day if you want to. Why don't you order one of those cookies next. . . .I've been wanting to try a chocolate chip one forever."

I knew he had to be bored out of his mind, but he never let on. He made it clear that today was _my_ day and if I wanted to do something, we would do it.

* * *

So much for deciding which ones to keep and which ones to put back. . . Emmett bought them all when I went to get his cookie. Even though I was a little irritated that he spent all that money on me, I was still secretly thrilled about how this day was turning out.

"Bells, are you tired? Do you want to grab a pizza and head back home to get started on any of those books?"

"Sounds great, Emmett. Will you be sharing the pizza with me?" I grinned. Could I get him to do it again? Make him eat something just to see his reaction? He was game for anything!

"Yes!" he told me, "I've been dying to try anchovies!"

We laughed all the way to the pizza place. I didn't let him get the anchovies, though. Ick.

"So, Bella," Emmett asked as we headed home with a hot pizza in the back seat, "what do you want to do now? Go back to school? Hang out around the house in that camisole?"

I laughed, "Umm, yes on the school. . . .maybe, and no – not the camisole!"

I hadn't even thought about that. I could go back to school. Why not? It would get me out of the house. I knew I couldn't just sit there day in and day out letting the Cullens disrupt their life to take care of me. I could go back to school and maybe get a job. I really hated it that they spent so much money on me and wanted to be able to help out more. . . .well, at all really.

"Emmett, "I said quietly, "thank you so much for today. I was feeling so lost and alone and this is just what I needed. I hadn't even thought about what I wanted to do now. I was just sitting in that room, memorizing the patterns on the wallpaper. Going back to school sounds great, and maybe I can even get a job!"

He smiled that famous Emmett smile as we pulled into the driveway.


	4. Chapter 4 Flight

**EPOV**

I didn't have any luggage so I just headed out to the terminal when the plane landed. Carlisle was there waiting for me. I felt so many emotions when I saw him. _Joy, relief, happiness and overwhelming shame. _ What right did I have to just waltz back in like nothing had happened? Like I hadn't turned their lives upside down again? I knew that moving was part of the routine and we had done it more than once for Rose & Emmett, but I just felt so ashamed over this one. It was the first time I had made the family move. Granted, they didn't go far, but far enough for a fresh start. I wondered if any of them would be mad at me. I wondered how long it would take to get to Forks and see if Bella was still there. _No. Stop. I can't think that. _Hadn't I left her to keep her safe? Away from me and the world of vampires was safe. Still, I couldn't deny that she was the one person in the world who my silent heart ached to be with.

I knew that coming this close to Forks would be a risk for me. I was still hopelessly in love with Bella Swan.

Carlisle had a small grin on his face as I approached him. He embraced me in a hug and said, "Welcome home, Son. I have missed you." His thoughts matched his words.

"Carlisle," I began, "you look well. It has been too long. I apologize." It didn't seem adequate, that small apology I had just given him. I owed him more than that, but it seemed to please him nonetheless.

"No apologies needed Edward, but we do need to talk. Let's go to the car."

_We need to talk_. Those words didn't sound good. I could tell he was blocking me now, and I knew something was up.

**BPOV**

I really did have a great time with Emmett yesterday. All night I thought about what to do next. I had been down for so long – was it possible that in one day, things had started to look up? I had so much to sort through, but who did I have to talk to? I really felt like I needed to talk to someone, but I couldn't go to just anyone.

_What bring you here Mrs. Richards?_

_Well, I've been through a lot and seem to be fantasizing about suicide. I've had a lot of fantasies, actually and they are really disturbing to me._

_What is making you feel like killing yourself?_

_Well, it seems that everyone I love leaves me. First, my vampire boyfriend leaves me after his vampire brother tries to kill me on my 18__th__ birthday. . .and then. . . _

_Excuse me, Mrs. Richards. . . (picks up phone) I need a sedative and a jacket in room 5 – stat!_

I had never told Mark what Edward really was. He just knew that I had a boyfriend that I had been in love with and he left me. I'm not sure why I was keeping that secret for him. Actually, I guess it wasn't that I was keeping a secret for Edward so much as I didn't want to seem like a lunatic. The rest of the world knew that vampires were only in stories from book and movies. I knew that they were all too real. This made my options limited. I knew that Jasper had taken some psychology courses, but I also knew that he had been keeping his distance from me since my return. Come to think of it, we hadn't really spoken since he attacked me in September.

He must hate me! Ugh. Why didn't I see it before? Of course Jasper hated me. I was the cause of all the upheaval in their family life. Well, there goes that option too. I could talk to Emmett, but let's face it. . . he wasn't really the "listening" type. Emmett was the guy you could go to when you needed to have a little fun and forget your troubles. I would always be grateful to him for that. Yesterday really snapped me out of my funk and I wondered if I could ever repay him. Maybe I could repay him by getting out of my damn room once in a while. He seemed to like to do fun things, so maybe we could do them together. Maybe I would look into some classes at the community college. Would Emmett like that - if I followed through on our discussion? I think he would. I walked down the hall to Carlisle's study to see if I could use his computer to look up some information. I knocked on the closed mahogany door, but there was no answer. He wasn't in. I felt bad about going in anyway, but he always told me that I was welcome in his study any time, so I let myself in and headed over to the computer. Perhaps I should get a computer for my own room and then I wouldn't have to bother him any more. I was thinking about what kind of computer to get when I noticed someone standing in front of me. I jumped.

"Oh, hey Alice! I didn't see you come in." Then I saw who was behind her. Jasper. "Hello, Jasper. So nice to see you again," I said, willing him to feel my remorse for turning his life upside down. He simply nodded to me. Damn! I knew it. He hates me! "I was just in here using Carlisle's computer. Emmett gave me some ideas yesterday of what I want to do with my life and I thought about going back to. . ." Something about their faces made me stop mid-sentence.

"Bella," Alice began, "we need to talk. Someone is coming and we want you to be prepared."

"When you say 'someone,' Alice, which someone do you mean?" I asked, now not really wanting to know the answer as I felt all my breath leave my body.

"Edward." She said, and that's the last thing I heard.

**APOV**

"Dammit, she fainted! Jasper, what were her emotions while we were talking?" I asked as I rushed to her.

"When we first came in, she was excited. Then she saw me and was filled with remorse and sadness. As she started to talk about why she was in this room, a little hope crept in. When you cut her off and told her Edward was coming, it was anguish, panic and loneliness. While I can understand the anguish and panic, I'm not sure why she felt lonely," Jasper explained.

I picked her up and rushed her back to her bedroom, lightly placing her on the bed. "Jasper! Put your hands on her forehead to cool her off while I go get a wet washcloth to wipe her face."

Jasper did as I asked, but looked nervous as I disappeared into Bella's bathroom. I knew that he was still apprehensive about being alone with her since I told him of her desire to have Jasper end her life. I was back in seconds and began to wipe her face while talking to her softly to ease her mind.

"Bella, honey, wake up. We can help you. We want to help you. You won't be alone in this. We love you. Wake up, honey."

I could feel that Jasper was sending calming waves her way and I hoped that she would open her eyes soon. I knew we had some time, but not a lot, to tell her that Edward was on his way to the house with Carlisle. I needed to get this girl in some new clothes, and then do her hair and make-up so that she could make Edward forget why he left her in the first place. I could help her make him forget his own name. If she didn't wake up soon, I was just going to have to dress her like this. I needed Rose's help, though.

**EPOV**

"It's Bella," Carlisle said as we pulled out of the airport parking lot, "she's at the house, Edward."

"Bella? At your house? Why, Carlisle? Didn't I ask you to leave her alone? Why on earth would she be at your new house in Seattle? What have you done?"

"Calm down, Edward," he said in a low voice. "We have our reasons. Bella has been through a traumatic accident and we felt that after all we had put her through, we owed it to her to take care of her and nurse her back to health."

"So why did you ask me to come home?"

"We are having some difficulties and your mother and I feel that perhaps you are the only one who could get through to her."

_I could see her in his thoughts. Bella at the house. Bella with a cast on her leg and arm. . .the same leg that James had broken. _

"Stop, Carlisle! I can't take those images!" I shouted. "I understand that she was in an accident, but Bella has accidents all the time. What about this one made you go against my wishes and bring her into your home? Do you know what this does? How hard this is on everyone? I can't believe that you would be so careless, Carlisle!"

"Edward, there's more to the story, but I feel that you should hear the details directly from Bella. Please son," he pleaded as he placed a hand on my arm, "please just try and help. She has been hurt so badly and needs you now more than ever."

I could not deny that I still loved Bella, but I couldn't imagine what had changed in her life that being around the Cullen family would change for her. Wasn't I trying to protect her? Wasn't her life better off without me in it? Of course, hadn't I just been thinking about how long it would take me to get to Forks and see her? I just didn't understand. I would find out soon, though, since we were pulling into the driveway of the new house. I couldn't help the thrill that ran through me as I caught a faint whiff of Bella's scent in the air. I jumped out of the black Mercedes and sprinted towards the door.

**BPOV**

Edward. Edward was coming. I couldn't believe it. I felt things growing dim as the ground came towards me at a rapid pace. Good idea, Bella, pass out on the floor. Ugh! Why am I such a fool? I had to get out of here. Edward was coming to see his family and I didn't want to ruin that for them. He would be mad if he knew I was here. He told me that I had no place in his world, so I knew he wouldn't want to see me.

As I opened my eyes, I saw Alice and Rose adjusting my clothes. Wait – these weren't the clothes I put on this morning. These were tighter and skimpier. What had they done to me? I knew of only one person who could get me out of this jam."

"EMMETT!!!!!" I screamed with all I had in me. It was only a moment before he came bursting through my bedroom door. "What's wrong, Bells?"

"Alice, Rose - out! I need to talk to my big brother." I knew that would butter Emmett up. I had to keep my voice even while I asked him to help me. I could feel the panic rising in my chest and I knew I didn't have much time before the hysteria took over.

"Em. . . .remember when we went to the bookstore?"

"Sure, Bells. Did you want to go back?"

"Yes, but not now. Remember how we left the house?"

"Hell yeah! The look on your face was the best!"

"Can you take me out that way again?" I asked.

"Of course, little sister. Just say the word."

Jackpot. Emmett would help. Now I just needed to get out of these ridiculous clothes. I felt like a tramp. I went to my dresser and pulled out a sweatshirt and some yoga pants. I started to pull my clothes off and that's when I heard Emmett gasp.

"Whoa, Bella. . . . .I'm still here kiddo!"

"Honestly, Emmett, I'm an old married woman and you are a married man. I'm in a hurry and I just don't care any more." I pulled the sweatshirt on and got the pants over my walking cast.

"Emmett, let's go!"

Emmett seemed stunned, but grabbed me, none the less, and headed for the 2nd floor balcony. I didn't know where I was going, but in my panic, I knew I had to get out of there and fast!


	5. Chapter 5 Running

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I barely own the clothes on my back.**

**Please read and review!**

**BPOV**

I panicked, so I ran. Well, technically, Emmett ran. _He_ was coming and I know that it was crazy and irrational, but I couldn't help it. I had to get out. Where in the hell was I going?

Nowhere.

I was, however, very thankful for Emmett. He didn't even tell me I was crazy, but he had to be thinking it. He just did what I asked him to, just like an older brother would do. He took such good care of me and I didn't deserve it. What had I ever done for Emmett other than bring chaos and trouble into his life? My heart was about to beat out of my chest, and now the tears were coming. Why Emmett didn't just drop me and run, I'll never know.

"Breathe, Bella." He said.

I didn't even realize that I wasn't breathing. I looked around and noticed that Emmett had stopped running.

"Where are we going, Bells? What's going on?"

"I. . . .I'm not sure, Emmett. I just have to go. I have to get out. I can't stay at the house if he's coming."

"Bella, is this about Edward?" God love him - he had to ask!

"I can't Emmett, I just can't. . . ."

"You can't what, Bells? What are you afraid of? It's just Edward."

"I know, I know, but he didn't want me and he left and you were supposed to stay away and then I moved away and got married and then I lost everything again and, shit, Emmett, he's coming back and I have no idea what to do and I just. . . .I just. . . .can't breathe. . . . ." It was all coming out and I couldn't stop it. I knew that I needed to calm down or I was going to pass out again.

"Put me down, Em. I need to sit before I pass out again."

Emmett put me down on the grass. I hadn't even realized where he ran to, but it looked like we were in the forest behind the house. I bent my head down between my knees and tried to breathe.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I really don't know what to do or say. You know I'm not good at these things. Just damn."

"It's okay," I squeaked out, "I know this is hard for you Em. You're not really someone who is into talking about feelings." I couldn't suppress a giggle. Well, I was laughing at least. This was somewhat of an improvement.

"I guess we should go back. I think my panic attack is starting to subside. Emmett, I know that you aren't really the right one to talk to about this, but honestly, who can I talk to these days? It's not like I can go to some sort of therapy and talk about my vampire family. What am I going to do about Edward?"

"Bells, all I can tell you is that you should just talk to him. I know that he hurt you, but it seems like he's interested in seeing you now. That's why he came home. You don't have to fall in love with him again, but would it kill you two to be friends?"

"That was very profound, Emmett."

"Shut it Bells, I'm not helping you any more," he pouted. I laughed. He smiled.

"Take me back, you big lug. But please, just tell everyone we went out for a walk. Don't tell them that I freaked out and begged you to help me escape."

"Hmm. . .I could do that. . . .but it's going to cost you."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, little sister. I will accept your terms, but only in return for a favor to be determined by me at a future time as needed."

"You've been watching the football draft again, haven't you?"

"Maybe - never mind. Those are my terms. Take them or leave them."

"What choice do I have?"

"You don't," he said.

"Damn. Deal."

"Ha! I knew this was going to be a great day! Feel free to freak out any time, little sister, and I can reap the benefits!"

Damn that Emmett. He had me and he knew it. As frustrated as I was, I realized that my panic had subsided and I was actually feeling more relaxed. My heart had slowed down and I could breathe. I'd never tell him this, but Emmett was helping me more than he knew, and I would be forever grateful to him for that. I used to be best friends with Alice, but I felt so distant from her now. I felt so alone, but I knew that if nothing else, I always had Emmett.

**EPOV**

I opened the door and realized immediately that something was wrong.

_What happened to her?_

_Why did she need Emmett?_

_Where did they go?_

_Is Bella okay?_

_I don't understand._

The last thought was mine. I didn't understand. Hadn't Carlisle just told me that Bella was inside and I needed to talk to her? Had she left. . . .with Emmett? Did they go out the back door? This was not going well and I hadn't even seen her yet.

Would she want to see me? Could she possibly still love me? After all, I left her and from what everyone had told me, this broke her. I guess I needed to try and just be her friend. No one would tell me specifics, but it was clear that a friend was exactly what she needed.

**BPOV**

"Just go ahead and put me down out here, Em. Thanks. I need to sit out here on the lawn and think just for a little while before I freak out again." I paused, not knowing how to say the next part, but I thought that since it was just Emmett, an apology would suffice.

"Emmett, I'm sorry that you have to always pick up the pieces of what's left of me. I just can't thank you enough for talking care of me. . . .again. You're the best big brother a girl could ever hope for."

He smiled, and set me down on the grass. "Love you, Bells." He said.

"Love you too, Em." I know he heard me as he walked back towards the house.

This was all so crazy. What was I doing? I hadn't even had a chance to really mourn my husband and here I was having panic attacks about my ex-boyfriend. What in the hell is wrong with me? What kind of wife was I? Mark deserved better than this. He deserved better than me. Maybe that's why he was taken away from me so soon. I began to wonder if I was even supposed to have happiness in my life. When I tried to love Edward, he left. When I let go of Edward (okay, not completely, but somewhat) and loved Mark, he was taken from me. Being pregnant and losing the baby was just icing on the crappy cake of life. Now Edward was back.

Emmett said that he came back for me? Yeah right. I guess guilt could be quite powerful, though. Still, I guess I'm surprised that even guilt could make him come back to see me. He must feel bad about his family. Surely guilt over me wasn't the only reason he was here. Ugh, of course, it couldn't be all for me. How vain could I be? EARTH TO BELLA, if he really cared about you, he would have never let you go to Florida. He would have never left you for his "distractions" in the first place.

What was I going to do now? I guess that I should just be polite to Edward, but not try to make him feel guilty about how my life had changed after he left. I would talk to him like an old friend, let him see that I was fine, and he would be on his way again. Yes, that was my plan. Then, maybe I could take a trip back to Florida and say goodbye to Mark at his final resting place. It was so hard to miss the funeral, and yet in a way, I'm glad I did. Now I could say goodbye to him in my own way, at my own pace. If I could get approval from Carlisle to travel, I would purchase my ticket and go. Then maybe Edward could spend his visit with his family and not have to worry about spending time with me.

I didn't even realize that I was lost in my own world until I heard a velvet voice that had been a constant in my dreams for the past 2 years. . . .

"Bella."

**EPOV**

Emmett finally came back in the house, but he was alone. Alice had immediately started questioning him.

"What happened? Where's Bella? Did she change her clothes?" Alice demanded.

That last question was ludicrous, and so very, very Alice.

"She fine, Alice. She's outside on the lawn. Yes, she changed her clothes. It was awesome. Who knew Little Bells had it in her. . . .OUCH ROSE!" I heard him yelp as Rosalie slapped him in the head. "As I was saying," he continued, "Bella just needed some fresh air after her little fainting spell and she . . . .uh. . . .wanted me to take her on a walk. Yes, that's it. That is what happened. I have to go. . .uh. . . .do something now."

He was blocking my thoughts. . .well. . .trying to anyway. I did get a nice glimpse of Bella in her undergarments, though. _Perv. I shouldn't be looking. She's not mine anymore._

I headed outside. She was sitting on the lawn alone. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. Her body had matured more in the two years since I had seen her and if it was even possible, she was sexier than before. She had more defined curves than I had remembered, and that was saying something with my perfect recall. I needed to see those eyes, though. Those perfect, chocolate brown eyes. Almost as if I couldn't help myself, I spoke her name, "Bella."

She turned to look at me and my cold, dead heart shattered into a million pieces.

**Would you please do me the honor of Reading and Reviewing?**

**I'll try to post again soon. Just having some writer's block!**


	6. Chapter 6 Realizing I'm not always right

**A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to update. When I think of what to write, I'm never near a computer. When I am near a computer, I'm head over heels in love with other people's fanfics. I think I have an obsession problem. Okay, I KNOW I do. Anywhoo. . . . **

**I don't own anything. All characters, etc. belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am not even a cheap imitation.**

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**BPOV**

And suddenly there he was. Time had not passed for Edward. He looked exactly the same as the day he left me so long ago. Fresh pain seared through me, and I quickly replaced it with the familiar numb feeling that I had mastered by now. I won't lie - my heart longed to be in his arms again, as if no time had passed and nothing had changed. Things had changed, though. I had gotten older, for one. I married Mark. I had been pregnant. Time had passed for me and I had moved on as Edward told me to. I had moved on, and he still didn't love me. I had to remember that, above all things. Edward's feelings for me, or lack of feelings, had not changed.

I wondered where he had come from. Was he missing time with a new girlfriend to be here? A lover, perhaps? I gave my virginity to Mark - had Edward given his away too? Ugh. I sighed out loud. That was none of my business now. He had already told me about his "distractions." Still, a little part of me couldn't help but to be jealous. I let out another sigh.

_Mark, I need you. I need to talk to someone and I miss you so much right now._

"Bella, who's Mark?"

_Oh shit. I just said that ._

"My husband."

I thought I saw some emotion flicker across Edward's face, but as soon as I saw it, it was gone. I must have been relief that I had moved on. That was the only thing that made sense. Here I was being jealous thinking about how he must have moved on and he was relieved that I had found someone else to love. _OUCH._

I really need to start over. This is not going well.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't start this politely, let me start over. . . . .Hello Edward. How are you?" I tried out what I hoped was a convincing smile. What is wrong with me?

Why am I sitting here wishing to talk to my dead husband about my ex-boyfriend? They really should have locked me up in Florida. It's clear now that I'm really crazy.

**EPOV**

"I'm fine, Bella. It's really good to see you again."

_She's married. God, this hurts._

"I hadn't heard that you got married. Congratulations!"

_Did that sound convincing?_

"Tell me all about the lucky man."

_The man that I want to kill for being with the woman I love more than life itself._

Well, there goes my life. She moved on. What did I expect? I TOLD her to do this. I left her no choice. I told her that I didn't want her and that she had no place in my life.

So, why does it hurt so damn much?

She has a husband. A man who could hold her and not freeze her. A man who could kiss her and not be tempted to bite her or kill her. A man who could touch her and make love. .. . .no. I couldn't think that. I couldn't take it. Any thought but that.

"Umm. . . .well, his name is Mark Richards and we met in college," she explained.

I nodded and encouraged her on, but she stopped.

"Edward, I. . .well. . . this is really awkward for me. I appreciate that you are being so polite. I've always loved that about you actually, but I really doubt that you want to hear about my current love life."

Her currently love life. Damn. She was right about that. I had no desire to hear about her being with another man in any way, but I had to know what my angel had been doing since I last saw her in the forest. Even if it would hurt me, and I was sure that it would, I needed to know.

"Bella, I'm always interested in what you are doing. Surely you remember me telling you that."

"I remember lots of things that you told me, Edward. Some much more than others."

_Ouch._ I deserved that.

"I'm sorry, Bella." It wasn't enough. I could tell that she still believed t hose lies I told her in the forest before I left her. She had moved on, but the hurt was still there. I was a monster.

I needed to try and make this right. If I could meet her husband and show her that I wanted her happiness, maybe she could begin to forgive me.

"When do I get to meet the man who has captured your heart?"

Her face fell. "I don't think that's possible," she said in a voice that was void of emotion.

Of course not. Why would she want me to meet him? Not that I wanted to meet him for any honorable reasons, but I had hoped just the same. If I could just talk to him long enough to put some fear of hurting her into him, maybe I could live with that. Maybe.

"I promise I won't bite." I said, smiling at her.

Her expression didn't change.

"Edward. . . .why do you think I'm here - with your family?"

_Good question._

"Well, Bella, I really don't know. Carlisle said that you had been in an accident, a bad one, and they brought you home with them to heal."

_I knew he was leaving something out. What happened to her?_

"I was in a horrible car accident. You can see some of my still lingering injuries," she went on as I nodded.

"Where do you think my husband is, Edward? No one has mentioned him. Do you smell him? Can you he. . hear his heartbeat?" she choked out.

_My heart is breaking. Okay, I don't have a heart, but if I did, it would be shattered now just watching my angel in so much pain._

"Bella, where is Mark?"

Tears were streaming down her face. I was aching to hold her. "He was buried in Jacksonville. I was in the hospital, and they wouldn't let me go."

"Oh Bella, I'm so, so sorry."

Once again I realize that I made a really bad decision to leave her like I did. I thought her life would get better. I thought she would move on, and she did, but now she was broken again and I couldn't help but to feel that it was my fault. I needed more details about this. I was going to talk to my family and get some details out of them. They would no longer be side-stepping this conversation. I needed answers, and I needed them now.

They say that if you speak of the devil, he shall appear. That's exactly what I was thinking as I saw Carlisle approaching us.

"Bella," he said to her softly, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I do have some things to talk with you about regarding your follow-up medical care. Can you come with me to my office?"

"Can't we just talk here, Carlisle. I'm drained and I honestly don't feel like moving."

"Bella, it's rather personal. I thought you might. . .might want some privacy," he said as he shot me a sideways glance.

"Of course," I coughed out, "I'll just head inside."

"Honestly, Carlisle," Bella said as she exhaled, "so many people have seen me naked and talked about my lady parts that I feel like a porn star."

_What did she just say? Did she say porn star? This is not the same girl I left in the forest._

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud guffaw coming from the house. "Emmett," we all said in unison.

I could hear his thoughts as he appeared in the door way. _I need to get out here and see Edward's face when he realizes that Bella has a vagina - she's a real girl!_

I smacked him upside the head. Of course I knew Bella had one of those! I'm a man still, after all. What I didn't understand was what that had to do with her car accident. It was then that I heard Carlisle's thoughts and realized that the hurt Bella was going through was much, much deeper than I had ever imagined.

_She had a miscarriage, Edward._ _She needs her post D&C check-up._

She was pregnant. My angel. My love. The only girl I ever wanted. The only girl I had ever even contemplated being with in a carnal way had been pregnant and lost the baby.

_I really fucked up._ Now I'm even swearing in my head. What has happened to me?

"Bella, you need your check-up from the D&C. I can recommend a gynecologist to take care of that for you, but I need to know who you would feel more comfortable seeing," Carlisle asked her, ignoring the bumbling idiots now known as Emmett and me.

"Can't you just do it, Carlisle? Would that be too awkward for you?" she asked.

**BPOV**

I can't believe I just asked Carlisle to look up my cooter. Honestly, though, what did it matter any more? It wasn't like there was any enjoyment in it for him, or anyone else for that matter. Not only was I damaged physically, but mentally, I didn't even know who I was any more. I still can't imagine what Edward was doing here. I didn't even get a chance to ask him before reality came back to smack me in the face again and remind me of the loss of my husband and child.

When does this get easier? Does that ever happen?

"Carlisle, I'm fine with you checking me if you think you're up for it. I really don't want to go back to the hospital if I don't have to."

_Up for it? Did I really just say that?_

"Bella, I can check you here if you would like. Would you be opposed to having someone else in the room with us? It's standard procedure at the hospital and I think it would make us all feel more comfortable."

"Sure, I can agree to that. At this point, I'd almost take Emmett if that would mean this was over sooner."

"I was thinking more along the lines of Esme, if that's okay with you."

He must have thought I was serious. Just then, I heard a voice that I would never have expected to hear in this discussion.

"I'll stay with her."

_Rosalie? Really? _

What kind of alternate universe was I in? Rosalie hated me. H.A.T.E.D. me with a passion. Why on earth would she want to sit in the room with me while I was in stirrups?

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**I know this is short, but if I don't get this out there, it will be forever before I update. I promise to update again this week. Thanks for reading and reviewing. You make me feel like it matters that I write this, and I appreciate it!**


	7. Chapter 7 We Need to Talk

**DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN**

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**BPOV**

Well, that was interesting.

Not so much the Carlisle part – though that was weird – but the Rosalie part. Not only did she stay, but she held my hand as Carlisle checked for the healing of the last reminders of the child I would never see.

Some of the nurses in the hospital didn't understand why I would be so upset to miscarry so early in my pregnancy. _Bitches._ I was upset, though. Part of me was missing. A baby. A child that I wanted. Something wonderful and beautiful and already loved so much. I was mourning for my lost child, too, and I refused to let anyone take that away from me or make me feel ashamed for that.

The real surprise was when it seemed that if Rosalie could cry, she would have been. It was almost like she could feel the pain of my loss as if it was her loss too. There must be a story here somewhere, but right now, I'm not in the mood to hear it.

When Carlisle was done, and Rose let go of me, I knew I would have to talk to him about taking a trip back to Jacksonville.

I had yet to visit Mark's grave, and though I know I was still far from being mentally stable, I felt that going to visit would help me on that journey.

"Carlisle, I need to go to Jacksonville."

_Way to cut to the chase, Bella._

"I need to visit my husband's grave site. I wasn't able to go to the funeral and I really need to go and see it for myself. I need to do this."

"Of course, Bella, I understand. My schedule at the hospital won't permit me to travel with you, but I would like you to consider taking someone. You don't have to go through this alone. We want to help you."

Who would I take? Alice and I weren't close any more like we used to be. I knew that was due to me, but it was still there. The hurt was too much. She was my best friend. Jasper didn't talk to me. I'm not sure what the deal was with Rose, but I wasn't sold on the idea that she was my new BFF. Emmett would be good, but would that make Rose angry, thus ending our new, albeit strange, truce? I guess that left Esme.

"Well, Carlisle, do you think that Esme would be willing to accompany me?" I asked.

"I'll take you, Bella."

WHAT? I turned around and saw that Edward had entered the room. I'll never get use to these silent vampires.

Why on earth would Edward Cullen want to take a trip with me to see the grave of my dead husband?

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**EPOV**

I heard Bella and Carlisle talking after her check-up. I knew that she would be confused about Rosalie's wish to stay with her through the exam. I realized that Bella hadn't heard Rosalie's story and didn't know about her desire to have a child. Rose was taking the miscarriage hard.

I'm glad she was supporting Bella. I really wanted to be with her during the exam, but that was out of the question. When I heard Bella talking to Carlisle about going to Jacksonville, I knew that I wanted to accompany her.

I headed towards the room they were in and before I could think about it, I found myself blurting out, "I'll take you, Bella."

Her face whipped around towards me and I could tell that she was confused.

_Good idea, Edward. I was hoping you would offer. If not, I was going to have to fake a social occasion for Esme to attend._

I wasn't sure if she wanted me to take her or not, but I was pretty sure that she didn't have a lot of choices. Alice had told me of Bella's distance from her since they had been reunited. We were pretty sure that it was due to hurt over our departure when I left Bella in the woods. Jasper and Bella still kept their distance from each other. The only time they were ever together had been on that fateful trip to Phoenix.

Emmett wouldn't want any part of the emotional upheaval and crying that would accompany the trip, and Rosalie was out of the question for a host of reasons.

That left me and Esme.

I wanted to go. I wanted to spend that time with Bella and help her through this grief. I wanted to be there for her. I knew that I was trying to make up for lost time. I also knew that it would never truly be enough. There was no way to make up for hurting my angel, but I had to start somewhere. I just hoped that she would let me go with her.

"Are you sure you want to go, Edward? I'm sure you have other things you would rather do. I can just ask Esme," she said.

"Actually, Bella, Esme can't really go right now either," Carlisle told her, "she has some social obligations this week."

_Please, please, please fall for that Bella. I want to go with you!_

"I would love to go with you Bella. There is nothing I would rather do."

Was that too strong? Did I say too much?

"Edward, I really didn't want to have this discussion yet, but before I can agree to this, I want to make sure that I'm not keeping you from someone. I know that you enjoy your distractions."

_I'm in deep shit._

That's when Carlisle decided to excuse himself from the room. Coward.

I didn't want to have this discussion. In truth, I never wanted to have this discussion. I knew what I had told her in the forest. Now I was going to have to deal with the aftermath of that and I wanted to forget that it had ever happened. I wanted to forget the whole thing and go back to who we were before all this. Just Bella and Edward. Together.

That wasn't realistic though. I was going to have to deal with the mess that I had made. I needed to fix this.

I had no idea how.

"Bella, we need to talk."

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**BPOV**

_We need to talk_ - four of the most hated words in the English language.

Where does he get off?

"What in the hell do we need to talk about, Edward? I think you have already said all you needed to say."

That's when Alice came running in. She was looking pointedly at Edward, and his expression was one of irritation. She must have been having a silent conversation with him. If she's smart, she was telling him to back the hell off. This was not my day.

I knew that there was only one thing at this point that would make me feel better.

Emmett.

Luckily for me, he must have been thinking the same thing.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, BELLA!!!" I heard him cry.

"It's time for me to try anchovies! Let's go! I feel a book store run coming on!"

Just exactly what the doctor ordered. I knew that at some point, I was going to have to stop running away from my problems. . . .but today wasn't that day.

"Come on, Emmett. I'll even let you look at the porn!"

I heard Rose smack him upside the head.

My day just got infinitely better.

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**EPOV**

_No, No, NO Edward! This won't end well, I've seen it! You do need to talk to her, but right after her check-up after a miscarriage isn't the time!_

Alice. I suppose it is a good thing seeing as Bella seemed really angry after I told her that we needed to talk. What is it about that sentence that makes women so angry?

Now she was heading out with Emmett. He seemed to know what would calm her down. I guess that after her return to the family, she had bonded with him the most. He had taken her to a bookstore the other day to cheer her up and it worked like a charm. He was just silly enough to make her smile, and that was just what she needed.

I needed to think. Bella and I did need to talk, but I needed to figure out what to say. It was clear that she really believed what I had said to her. She seemed especially upset about my "distractions." This was not going to be fun. I'm not sure that coming home was the best idea.

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**Emmett POV**

My brother is a douche. No woman wants to hear "We need to talk."

I can't believe he went there with my Bella. She was my little sister, as far as I was concerned and he had done nothing but cause her pain for the past couple of years. Then, when he comes back to "help" he has to go and say something stupid like that.

I could hear their conversation. He must have told her that he wanted to shop-around the lady lot at some point because she wasn't letting that shit go. I'm sure she thought he was out sowing his wild oats, but I know Edward better than that.

He probably doesn't even spank off. If anyone EVER needed to rub one out, it was Edward. I've suggested it, but it has never gone over well. Maybe now that Bella had been around a block a time or two, he would get that stick out of his ass and try her out for size.

I'll suggest to her that she help him along in that area while we are at the book store. Also - anchovies! I can't wait!!!!

Wait. . .did she say porn?


	8. Chapter 8 Bella's Take on Things

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all sparkly Twilight things.**

**Warning: Angst ahead - Edward finds out what Bella is really thinking.**

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**Emmett POV**

Anchovies are nasty! Of course, all human food is nasty but I just can't help myself.

The best part of the trip was the _literature_ I picked up for Edward. He's going to shit! Well, not literally, but you know, figuratively.

Edward was now going to be the proud owner of the latest issue of _Cheri. _Not totally vanilla, but enough extra to drive a 100+ year old virgin vampire over the edge. He was going to be SO pissed. It was totally worth it.

I had Bella laughing her ass off as I mocked a "birds and bees" conversation with Edward for her.

"Now Edward," I said seriously as Bella and I drove home from the pizza place, "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Sometimes, when two people care about each other a lot, they decide to have sex."

Bella was snorting and doubled over with fits of laughter.

Mission accomplished.

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**BPOV**

The trip to the book store with Emmett was just what I needed. The day had been so intense, and I honestly couldn't take any more.

I still have no idea why Edward is here. Now he wants to go with me to Jacksonville? I don't get it. Maybe it's a weird vampire thing.

He must still be a virgin, though, because Emmett was sparing no expense at the virgin jokes. He even bought some porno mag for Edward. The best part was when he was pretending to give Edward a sex talk in the jeep on the way home. I thought I was going to pee my pants!

I love Emmett. I never had a real brother, but Emmett is the next best thing. Besides, right now, he's all I've got.

The next day, I received a call from Mark's attorney in Jacksonville. It was a good thing that I was planning a trip because he needed to see me about Mark's estate and any legal proceedings resulting from the accident with the drunk driver. I told him that I would be in town in the next few days and would call him to set up a time as soon as I had a flight itinerary.

I wish I felt like I could talk to Edward like I did when we were dating, but I couldn't. It's just not the same between us as it used to be. I know that he doesn't love me, but he seems to want to be my friend. It's just not the same. I can't let myself get even that close this time. It hurt too much when he left the first time. I can't imagine the pain if he leaves again.

If he's going to be around for a while, I should really look into getting my own apartment. That means that I'll need a job too. I refuse to accept Carlisle's offer to stay. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a professional freeloader!

The more time I spend with the Cullens, the more I realize what my husband meant to me. At first, I thought that, in a way, I was settling for Mark. Now I know that I was truly in love with him - not just loving him as a rebound from Edward. Mark was my human other half.

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**EPOV**

Porn. From Emmett. Disgusting.

Not that I didn't flip through the pages quickly, but I gave it back to him immediately after that. We all know that Emmett wanted it for himself anyway, and pretending to buy it for me in the first place was the only way Rose would let him have it.

After getting the go ahead from Bella, I made the plane reservations for the both of us. I still couldn't believe she was letting me go with her. Every moment I get to spend with her is another step closer to having her back in my arms.

*******

I drove Bella to the cemetery where her husband, Mark, had been buried. Thankfully, it was a cloudy day since it took us a while of wandering around to find his grave. The stone was new and appeared to have just been set recently.

Bella asked me to give her some time alone, so I retreated to a place where I could still hear her, but she couldn't see me. I wanted her to feel free to express herself without censor.

Hearing her words shattered any hope I had of regaining her heart.

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**BPOV**

Edward left me as I requested. The things I needed to say were personal - just between my husband and me.

"Mark, sweetheart, I really hope you can hear me. I'm sorry I missed your funeral. The doctors wouldn't let me out of the hospital to come, but I wanted more than anything to be there. I wanted to tell everyone what a great man you were and how you saved my life.

I had some news for you, Sweetheart. We were going to be parents. I wish now that I would have just told you right away, but I was saving the news for our date night. I know that you would have been the best daddy ever. The accident that took you from me also took our chld. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to hold on to our baby.

Now all I have left of us is memories." I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks, but I had only just started and there was a lot to say.

"They came for me, Mark. The ones I told you about - the Cullens. I think they pity me. I still don't really understand why they left me in the first place, but I understand their return even less.

It is all so confusing and I really need you now more than ever to help me understand. My feelings and emotions are all over the place and you always knew how to comfort me and make me feel better. I've even considered killing myself, but I know that you would be disappointed in me.

Carlisle and Esme have been wonderful to me, but I can't help but to feel some resentment for the way they left me. Then, they show up at the hospital to save the poor human girl that they pity. I'm not sure how they arranged to have medical consent for me, but I am sure that something illegal had to have taken place. I just don't understand why they care.

Alice is back too.

She was my best friend, or at least I thought she was. Her betrayal of me still hurts after all this time. Hers was a very deep cut, Mark. I can tell that she wants me to forgive and forget, but I just can't open myself up to that again - not when I don't have you here to lean on. I cannot play the fool for her anymore, so I have shut Alice out of my life.

The others are back as well. Seeing them again doesn't hurt as much. I mean, I know that Jasper and Rosalie have always hated me, and I think that everyone knows that Emmett only does what he is told, so I can't blame him for leaving me.

The one good thing, in fact, in all of this is that I have Emmett back. It's not hard to see that he was really the only one who loved me unconditionally. Now, he listens and takes care of me. He's all I have now that I have lost you, but he could never replace you.

Edward is back. I still don't know why. I'm sure he was surprised to see me when he arrived! I'm just glad that he came alone and didn't have any of his 'distractions' with him. Mark, I can feel in my heart that I still love him. I want you to know, though, that I loved you more. You were NEVER second best to me, and you were not just a substitute for Edward. At first, I was hoping that you would be, but as you helped me heal, I realized that you were enough. More than enough. You weren't a rebound or a replacement. You were the man I loved. I was deeply in love with you and nothing would have pleased me more than to have a family with you.

You were my everything. You are my everything. I love you." Saying all of these things out loud was cathartic. They had been bottled up for so long and I had no one to talk to. As I spoke, I started to think about what I was going to do now. I stopped, took a deep breath and continued.

"I used to think that I knew what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. I guess that I have a lot of decisions to make, and I guess I'll have to make them on my own.

I miss you.

I love you.

Always."

With that, I rose to my feet and just stared at the stone as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I knew what I was going to have to do when I returned to Seattle, and I knew that no one would be happy with my decision.

It was time, though. I was tired of being a vampire pet.

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**EPOV**

I'm glad that I don't have to breathe any more because I think I held my breath the whole time she was talking.

I really did a number on her. I never realized how making my family leave would hurt her. She still holds resentment against Carlisle and Esme. She thinks that Rose and Jasper have always hated her. If she knew that they wanted to kill her before we even started dating, I'm sure she wouldn't be surprised. Alice's suspicions about Bella's distant demeanor towards her were correct. Emmett is the only one she feels affection for.

She thinks I have a girlfriend, or from what she said, she thinks I may have more than one. I can't so much as even look at another woman! How could she think that? Oh, I told her that. That's how. _Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!_

When she said that she loved her husband more than she had ever loved anyone, I was crushed. The tears were still flowing down her face as she stood now, staring at the stone.

I dashed back to the car and hopped in to wait for her. I quickly dialed Alice. She didn't wait for me to greet her before she began talking.

"Edward," she sounded like she was sobbing, "I saw it all. I heard her words. I never knew she felt that way. I knew something was different, but I had no idea why she was so distant."

"I know Alice, I know. I am still in shock myself. Do the other know?"

"Yes, I could see that you wanted me to tell them. They are all crushed as well - well, everyone except Emmett. He feels kind of smug." Typical Emmett.

She continued, "Jasper has never hated her, Edward. He is devastated that she feels that way."

"We have to have a family meeting when Bella and I return," I told her. "I caused all of this, Alice, and I need help fixing it. Bella is coming, I have to go."

I snapped the phone shut and got out of the car to open Bella's door for her. Her eyes were puffy and red, and there were remnants of tears on her cheeks. She looked so broken.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Edward." Her voice was so meek that I barely heard her.

"You are most welcome, love."

"Don't call me that, please."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

We drove in silence back to the hotel. I knew that Bella would need to freshen up and rest before her meeting with the attorney. I needed the time to think.

* * *

**BPOV**

I didn't mean to snap at Edward, but hearing him call me "love" was more than I could stand. He had called me that when we were together, and now it was just a reminder of how stupid and gullible I had been.

We didn't speak on the way back to the hotel. I was eager to shower and relax a little before the meeting with my attorney.

Edward gave me space. I figured that he needed the time apart from me anyway. I'm sure he was eager to have this trip over with so he could return to whatever life he had built for himself.

*****

The meeting with the attorney was surprising to say the least. It seems that Mark's parents had left him an inheritance that he was unaware of. It was to start paying out when he turned 25. Since he died before that, and we were married, the inheritance became mine.

I no longer had to rely on the Cullens.

There was also a possibility of some money from the legal proceedings against the drunk driver who took my husband and child from me. That only solidified my decision.

I was financially independent. I could move out of the Cullen mansion. I would stay close to Emmett, of course, but I could be away from the rest of them.

No Alice, no Jasper. No Rosalie, Carlisle or Esme. Most of all - no Edward.

The smile that settled on my face was the biggest one I could remember having in months.

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**OH NOES! Bella wants to leave. Please read and review and make this poor excuse for an author happy! Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9 The Airing of the Grievances

**Disclaimer: Do not own.

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A/N:

**Thanks for the reviews! I know some of you are worried about Bella wanting to leave, but just hang in there with me. I am having a terrible time getting my words onto paper. The reviews and the story alerts help me more than you know. Thank you!**

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**EPOV**

THe flight back to Seattle was uneventful. After her meeting with the attorney, her demeanor changed. I didn't go in with her. She wasn't sure of how to introduce me to her lawyer, so we thought it was best to just keep me out of it. Besides, what am I to Bella? Ex-boyfriend? Friend? I have no idea.

As per usual, it was very frustrating to not be able to read her mind. She didn't comment on what happened in the meeting, so I didn't ask. Her face showed so much concentration on the ride back to the hotel that I was sure she was planning something. On the plane ride, she was the same way. I just wish I knew what she was up to.

Emmett met us at the airport and when Bella saw him, she ran to him and thre her arms around him. She hadn't so much as moved to touch me the whole time we were in Jacksonville. To say that I was jealous would be an understatement.

I nodded a hello to my brother as she leaned in to whisper to him, "Em, I missed you so much. I was so lonely!"

_That hurt._

"I have such good news to tell you, Emmett. I can't wait until we get home," she continued.

Good news? I hadn't heard about any good news.

I thought back to her graveside chat as I watched the previously silent and reserved Bella now chat animatedly with my brother.

_He is all that I have now._

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**BPOV**

I was so glad that Emmett was waiting to pick us up at the airport. I launched myself at him and told him how glad I was to see him. Before I could catch myself, I told Emmett how lonely I had been. I'm sure I saw Edward grimace out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned to look at him, he had smoothed out his expression.

I don't understand him at all. I thought that he would be glad to hand me off, but he seemed irritated by my reunion with Emmett.

Then it hit me. . . he didn't want me to be so involved with his family. My heart sank. Emmett and I continued to chat, though, the whole way back to the Cullen house. Edward was silent.

When we pulled up to the house, Emmett helped me out of the jeep while Edward grabbed our bags.

As the three of us entered the house, I saw Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper and Rosalie all seated around the dining room table.

"Bella, Edward, so glad you are back," Carlisle greeted us warmly. "You are just in time. We are having a family meeting."

"Oh," I replied, "I'll get out of your way then. I have a few things to take care of in my room."

"Bella, dear," Esme said softly, "You are part of this family. This meeting is for you too. Don't you know that we consider you as family?"

Should I be honest? _Yes._ If I was going to go through with my plan, I needed to stand up for myself and tell the Cullens exactly what I was thinking. I could do this.

"No, Esme. I don't feel like I am part of the family. You all turned your backs on me without so much as a goodbye. That's not family."

That was when the room erupted. Shouts filled the air and most of them were directed at Edward.

_I told you that wouldn't work!_

_This is all your fault, Edward!_

_Look at what we have done!_

_She will never forgive us!_

I wasn't sure what was going on but I knew that I didn't want to be a part of it. While they were seemingly distracted, I headed for the stairs and started up to my room. The sooner I got out of the Cullen house, the better.

Unfortunately for me, I still had the walking cast on and I didn't get very far before I felt two stone arms around my waist, lifting me into the air.

"Where do you think you are going, little sister?" Emmett asked me.

"Listen, Em, this isn't how I wanted to tell you this, but I'm leaving."

"WHAT?" - the sound of 7 vampires shouting at once was deafening.

"Back to the table, Bella. Now." Emmett looked frightening. He picked me up and in a flash, I was sitting in a chair at the table.

"This is a _family_ meeting, Bella. Your attendance is mandatory," he said with a look that told me he meant it, "Now explain what you just said."

I didn't like Scary Emmett, but I knew better than to sass him. I took a deep breath and began.

"I met with my attorney in Jacksonville. It seems that my husband was unknowingly due to come into a rather large inheritance at the age of 25. Since he died before that, and I am his widow, the money is now mine." I continued as I looked down at my hands folded on the table.

"My plan is to move out of this house and get my own place. I have taken advantage of your guilt and generosity for too long now."

Carlisle spoke up -- "We'll address your guilt comment in a moment, Isabella, but for now, I would like to know where you plan to go?"

_Isabella. Wow. Carlisle is pissed._

I looked directly at Emmett when I answered in a low voice, "Not far, Em. I can't be too far from you. You're all I have."

"Bella, you have us!" Alice said exasperated.

That was it. The gloves were coming off now. I could feel the pain and frustration coming at me like a freight train that I was powerless to stop.

"I may not have a vampire's memory, but I remember all too clearly what happened a few years ago in that forest."

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**EPOV**

This was not going to go well. I could tell from the look on her face, her rapid heart beat and the clenched fists that Bella was pissed. Not only was she pissed, but she was about to . on my family and me.

I never did tell them the extent of what I had said to Bella to try and make our departure easier on her. Part of me was angry with her for believing the lie so readily, and part of me was angry with myself for lying to her in the first place.

Bella was standing there, glaring at my pixie-like sister with her fists balled up. She took a deep breath and then exploded.

"I have you, Alice? I have you? My best friend? Like a sister to me! What a fool I was. I still can't believe I fell for all of that. How you must have all laughed and laughed at me. Edward's stupid little pet! I'm still not sure how you held on as long as you did, or why really."

_Oh shit, she was on a roll._ For the first time I can ever remember, Alice stood still, stunned into silence.

"I mean, why stay and help me after James' attack? Why spend all of that time and money on me? Were you really that bored?" she demanded from Alice.

"Rose and Jasper always at least made it clear to me that they hated me, but you were the unkindest cut of all. I've been able to find another love and move on from Edward, but how do I make up for the gaping hole that you left in my chest Alice? What kind of sick enjoyment did you get from all of that? "

She paused, but I knew she wasn't done as she turned to face Carlisle and Esme.

"And you! I thought you loved me? I loved you like you were family. You told me that I was part of your family. Then, you up and leave me without so much as a good bye or a 'kiss my ass' and now you tell me that I should know that I'm a part of your family? Really? It's not that I don't appreciate everything you have done for me after the accident, but I'll be damned if I understand any of it. My best guess is that you feel guilty for stringing me along like that and then letting me fall on my face."

Carlisle and Esme looked horrified. Rose looked like she had been slapped and Jasper just hung his head. Emmett sat at the table with his head in his hands. . . .and she hadn't even gotten to me yet.

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**BPOV**

_Damn._

I really didn't mean for it to get out of control like this, but at this point, I just couldn't stop. I've had all of this building up inside of me for so long and now it is just exploding out of me. I could see the looks of horror, shock and pain on their faces, but I could not stop talking.

"Edward, you hurt me beyond measure. I loved you. Part of me still does, even though I hate it." _Shit, I just said that out loud._

"You explained to me quite clearly that you did not love me and that none of you wanted me. You even went so far as to explain to me how you had plenty of things to keep you distracted from my memory. I don't even want to know the names of your distractions. I never want to know how many women you have used for your pleasure these past few years." _I really, really, really don't want to know._

"I don't know why you are here, I don't know why you are being so nice to me, I am SO confused; it's unreal. I'm angry, and. . and lonely, and scared and I just don't know what to do with myself any more!" _Oh God I'm losing it._

"BELLA!" I froze as Edward's voice rang into my ears like thunder. "Bella, this is all my doing. No one wanted to leave you. They did all love you. Well, maybe not Rose so much, but everyone else. I promise you that. They fought me on going. I made them leave with no notice. What I did to you was my fault entirely, and I will _never_ forgive myself for leaving you. I will _never_ forgive myself for making my family leave you. I don't even know how you can stand to look at me, honestly. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness and tell you that I never did stop loving you and I want you back in my life. Forever."

_Wow. I did NOT expect any of that. I guess he wasn't done hurting me. This was the final twist of the knife._

"Edward, I've had enough of your bullshit! You have hurt me SO much and now this? What, you want me to just be gone forever? How could you say those things to me when you KNOW you don't mean them?" _This is too much. Too much._

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Edward screeched at me.

"Richards." I said, quietly.

"What?" He asked.

"Richards," I repeated, "My name is Isabella Marie Richards."

"Fine then, Mrs. Richards, I have a few things to say now and YOU are going to listen." _Rut-roh - Edward is really angry._

"I lied to you in that forest. I have always loved you. I loved you then and I love you now, even moreso. My family loves you and we all want you back -- Not because we feel pity for you, but because we care about you and miss you so, so much," Edward told me as my mind began to reel.

"Edward, I. . ." but he cut me off.

"I want you back Bella. I'll do anything I can to make that happen. I'll wait forever if I have to, but I sure as hell hope I don't have to!"

Edward was swearing. He was telling me that last 2 years of pain and heartbreak were for naught. He still loved me - had always loved me. I think my world just tipped on its axis.

"Do you want to talk about this in private?" Edward asked me.

"We live in a house full of vampires with super hearing. There is no where that is private."

"Please Bella," he begged me, "we need to talk about this. I have to make you understand."

"Edward," I told him earnestly, "even if I could believe you, so many things have changed. I'm not the same girl I was 2 years ago. Not by a long shot. For one thing, I was married. I've had sex. I can't go back to the kind of kisses you give your Grandma after Sunday Service."

I'm not sure I have ever heard Emmett laugh so loud in my life. If I had ever thought that my days could not get stranger, I was wrong. This day takes the cake for sure.

Does he really want me? Does he really love me? If so, why did he leave me? Did he really make them leave too? Who put him in charge?

Too much to think about, and I'm sooooooo tired. So very damn tired.

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**Wow, I fought a lot with that chapter. I hope you like it! Please read and review!**


	10. Chapter 10 Cheating Whore

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A/N: All Twilight goodness is owned by Stephenie Meyer

**Lemony dream sequence below - mostly fluff. I hope you don't hate it.**

**Also, more angst. You're welcome!**

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**BPOV**

Tired. So very tired.

It was overwhelming and I couldn't help myself as my body started to go limp and I slumped over in my chair. Any hopes I had of getting up and heading up to my room were dashed. I was vaguely aware of cold hands on my wrist and forehead. My eyelids were pulled open and I didn't even realize I had closed them. Carlisle was peering into my eyes and I flinched as his pen light shone at me.

"She's fine, Edward, just exhausted," I heard Carlisle say.

Always the loving doctor, even after I had been so callous to him. I may not have understood the why, but in this foggy moment, it was clear to me that Carlisle really did love and care about me.

"Of course I do, Bella. Esme and I are so very sorry that we ever gave you reason to think otherwise."

_Oh, I must have said that out loud._

"Yes," he chuckled, "you did. Rest now, Bella dear. I am going to carry you up to your bed."

"Carlisle," I said through the fog, "I love you too."

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**EPOV**

I didn't realize how much it would hurt me to hear Bella say those words to Carlisle. I knew that she didn't mean them in a romantic way, but oh how I wished that she would say those words to me.

I can't believe I told her I still loved her like that. All my thoughts of the romantic ways in which I would woo her back to me went right out the window when she started telling everyone off. Their minds were all over the place and it was all I could do to hang on to mine!

In a way, I'm glad I said it. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if it registered with her.

What did she mean that I kissed her like a Grandma after Sunday Services? Sure, I was a little hesitant what with the FANGS and the VENOM and all - was that a crime??

I'll admit, that offended me a little. Emmett, or course, thought it was hilarious. _He would. Prick._

As I ascended the stairs, I realized that all of this brought back my feelings of jealousy that she had been with another man. Sure, she was married to him, but it should have been me. Her first time having sex should have been with me. It should have been our wedding night. This was all so frustrating and I had no one to blame but myself. My hands tugged at my hair and I groaned.

_Go hunt, Edward._

It was Alice.

_Go hunt now, then the rest of us will leave so you can be alone with Bella._

"She's sleeping Alice. Being alone with her won't make a difference."

I could hear her growl from the floor below.

_Just do it, Edward. It will all be okay._

I desperately wanted it to be okay. I had made the mistake of leaving her once, and I never planned on doing it again. I would not survive it. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn't heard Alice's after she told me it would be okay. Did she see something? What had I missed in my wallowing?

I checked on Bella and saw that she had fallen asleep. I could hear her even breaths and steady heartbeat. Now was as good a time as any. I went downstairs to tell my family I was going out and ran as fast as I could towards the forest. This would not be a long hunt. I needed to get back to my Bella.

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**BPOV**

_Mark was hovering over me. I looked down to see that I was naked. Mark was stripped down to his boxers and was slowly kissing his way up my neck to my jaw, and finally he rested his warm, wonderful lips on mine. I kissed him back with reckless abandon. My husband, my lover, claiming me as his own._

_"Mark, please, I need more." _

_He complied by slowly kissing down my chin, to my neck, then between my breasts and stopping to lick and circle my belly button. He stopped there and sat up to remove his boxers. He was glorious. He was rock hard and standing at attention. . . for me. All for me._

_"Bella, baby, I need to be inside you. I need to feel you around me."_

_I nodded to him as I bit my lower lip in anticipation. He entered me and we started a slow rhythm, moving together as one._

_"Yes, yes baby, that's it!" I cried out._

_I buried my head in his shoulder as he made love to me tenderly. He reached down to where we were joined and began to rub my little pleasure button. I screamed out, nearing my release. I lifted my head to look into his eyes as I came and they were golden. Not brown. Mark's eyes were brown like mine, but this was not Mark. It was Edward. I hit my peak and screamed out his name, "EDWARD!"_

SHIT! I sat up in bed, flush from the erotic dream I just had. Mark, then Edward, and Oh shit. What is wrong with me? This is so messed up. I can't be dreaming of Edward, I just can't. How could I do that to Mark. He hasn't even been gone a year and here I am dreaming about another man - my ex-boyfriend of all people! I am a terrible, terrible person.

I'm also, apparently a horny person.

Edward, making love to me. Looking me in my eyes as I came. Gah, I felt like I was seventeen again!

I'm losing it. I'm losing all control. I am cheating on my husband.

That's when I heard the knock at my door. Shit, shit, shit. . . I talk in my sleep! PLEASE let me have not said his name during that dream. . .please!

"Bella, are you okay? I thought I heard you calling for me?"

"I'm fine, Edward, just a bad, bad, really bad dream." Damn, he did hear me. I wonder what I said? I wonder if they all heard?

Oh no. Emmett. I would NEVER hear the end of it if Emmett heard me having a sex dream. I heard the door open and I looked up at Edward, removing my head from my hands. He was smirking.

_Bastard._

"Really, Edward. Everything is fine. I just need some sleep."

"Is everything okay, Bella? Can I help you with anything? I could hum you to sleep, like we used to. . ."

That was all I needed after fantasizing about Edward. No, I could not have him in my bed holding me when my panties were soaked through. Oh no - could he smell that? _Please, please don't let him know what that scent is._

"No," I swallowed hard, "I'll be fine. I need my rest tonight anyway. I plan to go apartment hunting tomorrow."

I needed to get out of this house before I disgraced myself any more.

Guilt washed over me and I began to feel sick to my stomach. How could I event think about another man while my husband was in the cold, dark earth? They had just set his stone!

I slowly looked up to see Edward's stunned face. I barely had time to register his shocked expression before I had to run to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

I was disgusting and this was no more than I deserved.

* * *

**EPOV**

_Apartment hunting? What?_

I heard Bella crying my name out, so I rushed to her bedroom. The smell of her arousal hit me like a ton of bricks. Was she having a sex dream. . . .about me?

I asked her if she was okay, and she insisted that she was just tired. I offered to hum her to sleep like I used to in her bedroom at Charlie's, but she seemed very uncomfortable with that idea. Then, she told me that she needed to rest up for apartment hunting.

I know I was stunned, but she looked even worse. Bella's already pale skin got even paler as she stared at the floor as if she were in a trance. She looked up at my face, then turned and sprinted to the bathroom where she began to vomit.

I ran to the bathroom and saw her clinging to the toilet and muttering something about being "disgusting."

She was almost in a trance-like state. It reminded me of how Carlisle said she was when they first brought her here. I sat by her and rubbed small circles on her back. Before long, she looked up at me and asked me to give her some time alone. I stepped out, but I didn't go far. As I walked out of her bedroom, I heard the bathroom lock click into place.

* * *

**BPOV**

I knew that the lock wouldn't keep the vampires out, but it made me feel better anyway.

I had to get out. An apartment, a house. . .whatever I could find. How long would that take? Would moving out make me less of a whore for lusting after a man who wasn't my husband?

Why was the room spinning? This had to stop. I have to make it stop. I can't breathe.

Everything was taking so long. How can I make it stop?

Maybe I could, and then I could see Mark again too. Yes, I think I know how to make this stop.

* * *

**APOV**

I dropped the stag I had just drained when a powerful vision hit me.

_Bella was in her bathroom getting ready to slice her wrists._

Why didn't I see this before? Had she just decided to do this? Did I still have time to stop it?

I cried out for Carlisle while I flipped open my phone to call Edward.

_Please let him answer._

* * *

**EPOV**

My phone started to vibrate as I walked into the living room and I saw that it was Alice calling.

As soon as I flipped my phone open she began to yell.

I'm sure she had a lot to say, but after I heard "Bella" and "razor," I dropped the phone and ran with vampire speed up the steps to Bella's room. I turned the handle on the bathroom door and remembered that I heard her click the lock when I left, so I just ripped it off the hinges.

There sat my beautiful Bella, muttering words like "whore" and "disgusting." She was in a trance-like state and was reaching for a razor on the side of her shower stall. She was so out of it that she didn't even flinch when I broke the door off the hinges.

I picked her up, swatting the razor away from her hand and cradled her to my chest. I held her to me for a short time before Carlisle came in to examine her.

"You were just in time, Edward. It looks like she is having a manic episode. Please hand me my bag, I'm going to sedate her."

I handed Carlisle his bag and watched as he got the needle ready to calm Bella down. "Edward, do you know what caused this?"

_I wish I did._**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!**

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**_Thanks!_**


	11. Chapter 11 Silverware

**A/N: All Twilight goodness is owned by Stephenie Meyer**

**I apparently only own an ability to only update once a month. (hangs head in shame) My apologies & thanks for hanging in there with me.**

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**BPOV**

It has been 2 weeks. . .or maybe longer. . .since my dream and panic attack. I'm not getting better.

I haven't left this room.

The Cullens take turns bringing me food. I barely eat.

I only get out of bed to use the bathroom. I have showered a few times, but Emmett says that I still stink. I don't laugh when he says it.

Edward sits in my room. A lot.

I don't talk to him. He just sits quietly and reads. It seems like he understands that I have nothing to say to him. Nothing to give him. I have nothing to give to anyone.

This is not going well.

I can't keep doing this.

Where did headstrong, independent Bella go?

I have to do something, but what?

Carlisle comes in to check on me. I know he is worried - they all are. Honestly, I'm worried too.

I need a change of scenery.

"I think I'll go see my Dad," I say.

Carlisle's head snaps up at the sound of my voice. It is raspy as this is really the first time I have spoken in 2 weeks.

"Bella," he says softly, "I'm not so sure that's a good idea just yet. You need to get better."

Edward enters the room.

"I'm not getting any better sitting in this room, Carlisle. Why not go?"

Carlisle sighs and says, "How will you get there, dear?" I know he means well. I should really apologize to him.

Edwards speaks up. "I'll take her."

_Of course._

"You don't have to," I say quietly as I stare out the window. I know he can hear me but I can't bring myself to look at him.

"I want to, Bella."

"Fine," is all I can say in reply.

_So, that was awkward, but at least it is settled._

_************_

Edward drove like a bat out of hell, as usual. I slept (or at least pretended to) so that I wouldn't have to talk to him. I had called Charlie, so he knew I was coming. He had to work, but he reminded me that the spare key was still in the same place so I could let myself in.

When I talked to Charlie, he seemed nervous yet a little excited about my request to come. He probably is afraid of the drama that seems to follow me everywhere I go. I'm afraid of the drama too. That's why I'm here. Just me and Charlie. He doesn't hover. I don't need to impress him. I can cook (which I love) and take care of him instead of everyone taking care of me all the time.

Edward helped me into the house and insisted on carrying my overnight bag for me. I didn't plan to stay long, but then again, when had anything I planned lately turned out the way I thought it would?

"You have been awfully quiet, Bella," Edward said softly.

"I don't know what to say, Edward."

"Just say whatever is on your mind. You can tell me anything."

"Listen, Edward," I sighed, "I'm just so confused right now. Everything I thought was real turned out to be a lie. Then, I met Mark and he helped to heal me. Then, I lost Mark and here you come again. You pop back into my life during my lowest point - like where I was when you left me - and tell me 'Just kidding! I really do love you!' and then I dream about you and ugh. . . .I just don't know."

I meant it. I really didn't know what to think. My husband was gone and here I was dreaming about having sex with Edward. That was wrong, wasn't it?

"Edward, I think I really just need some time to myself to work things out."

"Will you come back to Seattle, Bella?"

"Yes." I'm not sure, but I think I saw relief flash across his face.

"Good." Yep, it was relief. "Shall I leave you alone now, or did you want some company?"

"Give me a minute," I tell him. I need to check the fridge and the cabinets, and when I do I find that somethings never change - Charlie is out of food. "Can you take me to the grocery store before you go?"

"Absolutely, I'd love to!"

We arrive at the store and I begin my assault on the aisles. I don't have a list to work off of, so I just go over Charlie's favorite recipes in my head as I go down the aisles grabbing the ingredients. Edward and I work well together as I list off what I need and he retrieves it for me and puts it in the cart. It reminds me of going to the store with my husband, but I quickly put that thought out of my head. This is the first time in a long time that I have felt this comfortable with Edward and I don't want to waste a moment of it, even if I don't understand it.

Edward disappears for a minute and I just start to turn and look for him when I hear a familiar voice. "Bella? Is that you?"

* * *

**EPOV**

Shopping with Bella was more fun that I ever thought it could be. For the first time in a LONG time, we seemed comfortable together. We worked well as a team and I loved it.

As we turned the corner of an aisle, something caught my eye, and I knew I had to have it.

A rack of t-shirts stood near the wall of the store. The one on the front of the display was absolutely coming home with me. It had Emmett written all over it - "I Spooned in Forks" _Priceless._

After than skin mag he bought me, he had this coming.

I'm on my way back to put the shirt in the cart when I hear someone call out to Bella. One of the benefits to having a vampire's memory is perfect recall. I'm pleasantly surprised to hear Angela Weber talking to my Bella.

_My Bella._ How I long to have her be that again.

* * *

**BPOV**

Angela Weber. I can't even form the words to describe how happy I am to see her again.

"Angela! How are you! Are you living in Forks now?"

"No, still Seattle, but I'm in town for the weekend to see my brothers in a school play. What are you doing here? I thought you were in Jacksonville?" She smiled and me warmly and it felt good. Really, really good.

"No, I'm in Seattle too, now." As soon as I said that, Edward came around the corner. I'm not sure I have ever seen Angela's eyes get so big in my life.

"E-e-dward? Edward Cullen, is that you? You look exactly the same! NO FAIR!" she chuckled. She shot me a look and I knew I had some explaining to do.

"Hello, Angela. How nice to see you again." _Damn, that boy was smooth. I thought she was going to start drooling any moment._

"Bella, are you in town for long? I would really like to get together with you if you have some free time."

"Ang, all I have is free time," I laughed. "Are you busy tomorrow afternoon? Maybe we can have lunch and hang out."

Angela looked at Edward, "Will you be able to join us, Edward?" I could only imagine what Edward was hearing in her head. I would have to remember to ask him on the ride to Charlie's house.

He smiled his panty-dropping smile at her and told her that he had to get back to Seattle tonight, but he hoped to see her again soon.

I laughed to myself as I saw Angela try to recover from the dazzling ways of one Edward Anthony Cullen.

"Stop that," I whispered so low that only Edward could hear me.

We said our goodbyes and finished up our shopping. I remembered to ask Edward on the way back what had been going through Angela's head when she saw him walk up to our cart at the store.

* * *

**EPOV**

I smiled. "She was surprised to see you, but happy." I stopped there to tease her.

"Go on. . . " Bella said impatiently.

"She was even more surprised to see me walk up. She wondered if were together and also where you husband was."

I didn't want to bring her husband up but I didn't want to lie to her either.

"Oh."

_Yeah, oh._

"She can't wait to get together with you and find out all the dirty details."

I wasn't sure about telling her the next part, but it spilled out anyway, 'She thinks we make a cute couple and that you look happy."

Bella was quiet for a moment. I would give anything to know what was going through her mind. Finally she spoke.

"I'm really looking forward to spending time with Angela. She is one of the few people I actually miss from around here."

"Do you miss me?" _Oh shit. That was out loud._

"Yes." That was all she said.

We pulled into the driveway and I carried the groceries into the house. I felt so domestic. It was nice and I realized that I wanted it to always be that way. I also knew that Bella dna I were a long way away from that.

Bella began to unload the bags and suddenly she burst into laughter. "Edward. . .what is this?"

She held up the shirt I purchased for Emmett. I smiled and told her who I bought it for. "It's perfect," she said as she smiled big. It was the happiest I had seen her in years.

"Bella, I should get going."

"You aren't going to stay?" _She wanted me to stay?_

"Well, I can stay if you need me to, but I thought you might want to spend some time alone with your dad."

_Please say yes. __Please say yes. __Please say yes. __Please say yes. _

"No, you're right. Can I call you when I'm ready to come home?"

Home. She called our house home.

"Yes. I'll come as soon as you call. I promise."

We said goodbye without any fanfare, and I headed out to my car. This was going to be a long couple of days. Perhaps I should call Alice and see how long Bella was going to be gone. My phone rang.

"Hello Alice."

"She hasn't made up her mind yet, Edward. I'll tell you when I know. She needs this visit. It will help you both a lot."

I hated it when I wasn't close enough to her to read her mind and know what the hell she was talking about.

"Oh," she said as I heard her giggle, "the shirt for Emmett will be a big hit."

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	12. Chapter 12 Old Friends

**I made it to the final round of the Naughty Heels Contest with my story, Spic N Span!! I didn't win, but got some great reviews and really enjoyed writing a one-shot. Check out my profile for the story I wrote, and don't forget to leave me some love.**

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Also. . .I know that I'm a jerkface and I don't update. . . .well. . ..ever. I'm sorry. I have no other excuse but that I suck it. Big time. A HUGE thanks goes out to **mialuver4 **for giving me the kick in the pants that I desperately needed.

**DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its characters are not mine. I only wish they were.**

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BPOV

Meeting with Angela was wonderful. Comfortable. Stable. It was exactly what I needed.

I told her all about Mark and the accident. I even told her about the baby. It felt SO good to be able to talk about everything. Well, everything except the part about the Cullens being a family of the living dead. _I kept that tidbit to myself._

She listened to me, only speaking up when she needed clarification. When I had finally gotten her up to date with my trip to Forks, I expected her to be ready to run out the door. Surely she wanted no part of me any more after all of that. Not Angela, she wanted to talk more.

We talked about my feelings for Edward, and she told me that having dreams about him for feelings for his was not cheating on my husband. I had to agree when she pointed out that Mark would not have wanted me to be alone and miserable.

I had always thought Edward was the love of my life, until he left me. Then, I was so lost. I found Mark and I knew that he was my other half. My other _human _half, anyway. The way I felt about Edward now was confusing. I still loved him, of that I was sure. . .but was I _in love_ with him? I really didn't think so.

"Why not just try dating him and see where it leads, Bella?" Angela said. "You're both older and different people now. Maybe that old spark is still there. It's worth finding out. . .isn't it?"

She was right. Why not try. I had already lost everything, so if this didn't work out, I would still be fine.

We talked for a little bit longer and I laughed in my head about the heap of thanks Edward owed Angela at this point. She had convinced me to try things out with Edward and see where it went.

Still, I really felt like I needed more in my life. Just trying to date Edward wasn't going to be enough.

Angela and I parted ways with hugs and promises to get together more often since we were both in Seattle now. I really did miss her and for the first time in a long time, I had felt normal.

I made it home in time to marinate the steaks for supper and get the baked potatoes in the oven. My time with Charlie had been virtually non-existent so far and I really needed to spend some time with my Dad. I wasn't sure how long I was going to stay, so I intended to make the most of the time I had.

I can't explain it. It's not like my Dad and I were all that close, but I guess, what it all boils down to is that I needed my Daddy. After all the emotional and physical turmoil I had been through, I needed to hear him call me 'Bells.' I needed our comfortable silence, to see his eyes crinkle with that occasional smile, his satisfied belly pat after a hearty meal. . . .little things like that were Charlie's way of screaming "I LOVE YOU" without actually saying it. It was comfortable and predictable and I craved that.

I was lost in my thoughts, preparing the salad for dinner when I heard the cruiser pull into the drive. I was instantly giddy for the first time in a long time. I ran to the door and threw my arms around Charlie as soon as he crossed the threshold.

"Dad! You're home!" I shouted. . . ._so much for playing it cool._

"Well, hey now, Bells. . . what's gotten into you? It's just your old man coming home from the station." Charlie looked at me with surprise as he held me at arms length.

Whatever he saw in my eyes caused his to soften as he wrapped his arms around me again and gave me a gentle hug.

"I'm just so glad to see you, Dad. I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too, Bella. So much."

WOW. That was a lot from Charlie.

"Is everything okay, Bells?"

"Yeah, Dad, I just. . . I guess. . . I just really needed my Daddy," I finished in a whisper.

Charlie hugged me even tighter, then kissed the top of my head. He cleared his throat and let go of me gently, heading over to hang up his gear. He wasn't looking at me, but I thought I heard him sniffle just a bit. It looks like the time apart had an effect on him too. One of the many reasons I really loved Charlie -- He cared so much, but was never in your face about it. He didn't hover.

Dinner passed in relative silence, just as I expected, and oddly. . .craved. When Charlie was done, he sat back in his chair and patted his belly. "Thanks for supper, Bells. That was great," he said as he stood and made his way to his recliner in the living room, most likely to spend time with his girlfriend. . .the television.

_This is good. This is right. I'm okay._

* * *

I woke up the next morning refreshed. I knew I had a lot to plan out and some conversations to have with Edward, but I was in no hurry. Why not take things easy for a while? Being with Charlie was easy. Sure, I cooked, cleaned and did laundry, but for me, that was easy. It was nice to take care of someone for a change and not have a small coven of vampires hovering over me and listening to every word I said and every noise my body made.

How strange is it to know that when you fart, 7 people could hear it plain as day. I'll never get used to that. Of course, I could hear it when Charlie did it, but he wasn't exactly trying to hide it. In the living room. In his recliner. Watching television.

Now that I had this money, I hadn't really thought about what to do with any of it. As I sat in the living room with my father, thinking about what to do, I looked up at the mounted fish on the wall and had an epiphany.

"Dad, I need to run out for a bit. I'll be back before it gets too late. . .okay?"

"Sure thing, Bells. Be careful," Charlie told me as he turned his attention back to the television.

I grabbed the keys to the rental car and headed out. It only took me about 20 minutes to get to the house I was looking for in LaPush. Billy Black was Charlie's best friend and fishing buddy. The original "bromance." I knew he would be able to help me buy just the right thing.

I walked up and knocked on the front door.

"Come on in," I heard an old wizened voice call out. I opened the door and there sat Billy in his wheelchair at the dining room table.

"Bella! Is that you? Charlie said you were in town. Come over here and let me squeeze your neck, kid!"

I ran over and threw my arms around the man who was like family to me.

"It's great to see you Billy! I came to ask you a favor."

"Anything, Bella. Anything."

"I have some money, and I want to do something for Charlie. Just something to thank him for all the drama I've brought into his life."

"Now, Bella, you know your old man doesn't mind you being around. In fact, when he found out you were coming, he called me and was as giddy as a school girl."

"I know, Billy, but I still really want to do something for him, and in turn, for you too."

"What did you have in mind, Bella?"

* * *

3 hours later, Charlie and his "life partner" Billy Black were the proud owners of a 2010 TRACKER® Tournament™ V-18 Bass Fishing Boat.

"Pardon me Bella, but Charlie is going to shit."

"Would that be shitting in a good or bad way, Billy?" I laughed.

"First bad, then good," he chuckled.

Billy and I had traded in my rental car for a truck and hitched the boat to the back of it. We were heading slowly towards Forks with the first major purchase I had made. Somehow, spending that money on my Dad made my heart feel lighter. I liked it.

Billy and talked and laughed the whole way home. He told me all about Jake and his new girlfriend, and about his twin daughters who were closer to my age. It was great to spend that time with him, and it left me with a warm fuzzy feeling.

We pulled into the gravel driveway and I laid on the horn. Billy and I laughed as we waited for my Dad to come outside.

"Bells? Is that you?" he said as he ambled out onto the porch.

"Hey Dad! Yeah, it's me. Billy here and I just went on a little shopping trip. Look what we found!"

"Isabella Marie. . .what in the HELL is that?" he demanded. _Okay, so we're going with the shit in a bad way first._

"Charlie, get over here and help me out of this truck so I can show you my new fishing boat!" Billy hollered at my Dad with a smile on his face.

"Your boat?" Charlie asked?

"Well. . . our 2010 TRACKER® Tournament™ V-18 Bass Fishing Boat, to be exact." Billy replied.

"Bells? What's going on?"

"Well Dad, I thought that since you and Billy have finally decided to make your love affair official, I would buy you a wedding present!" It was all I could do to not break down laughing as I said that.

"W-w-w-what?!" My dad shouted at me.

"Relax, Charlie. . .she's just having some fun at our expense. Bella bought this boat for the both of us. I'll let you have custody on the weekends."

"This is our boat? This boat right here?" Clearly, Charlie was stunned.

"No Dad, that other boat over there." He shot me a look.

"Bells, I can look past the whole life partner thing, because I know you are a smart ass, but honey. . . I can't let you spend your money on a boat."

"Dad, honestly? You really don't want this boat, because I think you DO want it in the worst way. I got this money from Mark. He loved you too, and the least I can do is honor his memory with this gift to you." _I was going for the guilt trip. It worked._

"Charlie, just say thank you to the girl and go get your shit so we can go fishing!" Billy always was hilarious.

With that, Charlie huffed, turned around to head to the house, stopped, looked at me again, muttered something under his breath, and headed back into the house.

Charlie had a ball hitch on the back of the cruiser, so they hooked up the boat, looking like a bad parade, and headed out to wherever it is that they do whatever it is that they do.

For the rest of the week, if Charlie wasn't working, he was on that boat. He offered to take me out on it, but buying that thing was the closest I was ever going to come to being on it.

I busied myself around the house, cleaning, stocking the pantry, and making meals for Charlie's freezer. He wasn't any kind of cook, but he could work the microwave. If I told him how. Sometimes.

I was getting him ready for when I went back to Seattle. _Seattle._ That was another thing. I had thought a lot about my talk with Angela, and about what I wanted to do when I got back. I had convinced myself to try and date Edward. Thinking back to our time in High School, I realized that what we did could never really be considered "dating." We had to start somewhere, though, so that seemed as good a place as any.

I also realized that I owed a few people some apologies. I was pretty harsh to the Cullens. Not that they didn't deserve it, but I still felt a twinge of guilt when I remembered the devastation on their faces as I shouted at them. I was not, however, apologizing to Edward. In fact, I really should torment him some more. . . . and I think I know just the way to do it.

_Edward Cullen, you are about to be tempted in sinful, sinful ways._


	13. Chapter 13 Back in Action

**DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all sparkly Twilight things.**

**I own an inability to update on a regular basis.**

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**Emmett POV**

_I spooned in Forks._

That is fucking hilarious! Edward swears that he picked out this shirt for me, but I have my suspicions that it was really Bella Boo. Man I miss that girl. It has almost been 2 weeks and I'm going crazy. Bella truly is family, and she's been through so much. Granted - most of that was because of my douche of a brother, but still. I really wanted to do something special for her. . . .something to tell her how much we love her and honestly, how sorry we really are for going along with the aforementioned douche.

I talked to Esme about Bella's living arrangements, but she already had that covered. I want Bella to stay here, but I get it that she wants some space of her own. Hell, Rosie and I have often had some space of our own, and when we weren't careful, we crushed that space into rubble. _Damn that girl is good in the sack._

Where was I? Oh, right, Bella. Anyway, when Bella needs to get away, she likes to go to the bookstore. The big chain stores always have some things that she likes, but they are seriously lacking in specialty and hard to find items. I found a little Mom & Pop book shop on the verge of bankruptcy here in town. Now, it will be Bella's and I can't wait to give it to her. She is going to SHIT. I love getting that girl riled up! Luckily, the guy that keeps the books for the store has agreed to stay on until Bella gets a handle on things. Jayden, or Jason, or Jackson. . . .Hell I don't know. Whatever his name is.

Now, speaking of riled up. . . . .I need to go find Rosie and see if we can knock some holes in the walls!

**EPOV**

2 weeks without Bella. They felt like 2 of the longest weeks of my life. I knew she needed this time with her Dad, and I knew she needed some time to think, but I couldn't stand it. Alice was blocking her thoughts from me. She and Bella had yet to really make up and I knew that it was killing her. Alice always meant well, but she could get carried away with her gift.

Esme had kept us all busy getting Bella's house ready. There was an old house on the edge of our property that was intended as a servant's house originally. Esme had been looking for a reason to fix it up, and now she had one. It was close by the main house, but still far enough away to feel separated. Also, there were trees blocking the view of the little house, so it would hopefully be to Bella's liking. I had talked with Carlisle, and while we understood that Bella wanted her own place. . . the fact that she knew about us and our world made it a necessity to keep her near the family.

Emmett was overjoyed when he realized that his "Belly Bear" would still be close. _If it weren't for his huge frame, I would swear that Emmett was changed at the age of 12!_

Bella would be coming home soon to a new house and a new job, thanks to Emmett. I still wasn't sure how she would feel about the book store. I seem to remember that Bella wasn't all too keen on surprises.

I was just getting ready to go check on the progress of the house and get my next "assignment" from Esme when my phone rang. It was Bella. I tried to sound calm on the phone, but I was excited beyond belief.

"Bella, so good to hear from you. Have you been enjoying yourself?"

"Yes, Edward. Very much. Listen, if it's not too much trouble, could you head down to pick me up? Your offer for a ride home still stands, right?"

_Home._ This is a good sign - she's still calling this house "home."

"I'll leave right away, love."

"Edward, can we talk on the way back? I have some things I want to discuss with you."

"Yes, I'd be happy to Bella. I can't wait to see you." _Oh, was that too much? I said too much, didn't I?_

Bella let out a big breath and said, "I'm really looking forward to seeing you too, Edward. Call me when you get close. And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella, but I'm not sure what you are thanking me for."

"Time. I'm thanking you for giving me time."

"I'll call you when I'm close to Forks, my love."

"Talk to you then, Edward."

We both hung up without another word.

_Please let me do this right. Pleeeeeeeease._

**BPOV**

Can I do this? _I can't do this._ I need to do this. I should do this.

I'm doing this.

_I can't do this._

And so, I didn't. I didn't ask Edward on a date. Instead, I slept most of the way home, and he let me. I think this was one of those times when he wishes he could read my mind. Hell, I wish I knew what was going on in my mind.

One minute, I'm confident Bella, ready to take the world by storm. The next minute, I'm the same old damn Bella I've always been. I was all ready to ask Edward out. . .until I saw him. That old pang of hurt was still there. You know, the one that says _there is no way this gorgeous creature could ever really be interested in you._ He says he still loves me, but I just can't shake the lingering doubt.

Perhaps when I get back to Seattle and find my own place to live, then I can move forward with Edward.

********

Edward woke me when he pulled into the driveway at the Cullen's house in Seattle. I looked out the window and saw Emmett jumping up and down on the porch like a court jester. I couldn't help but to laugh.

Edward opened my door for me and I hopped out to see what was going on.

"Belly, Belly, Belly Bear. . do I have a surprise for yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuu!" he sang in a silly voice.

I groaned audibly.

"Come on, Bella Boo. . .you know if it's a surprise from _ME_ that it will be something cool!"

He had a point.

"Okay, Em. Just let me put my stuff inside and I'll play along."

"Don't worry, Love," Edward said, "I'll take care of your things. I would hate to see the damage Emmett would inflict on our poor porch if you made him wait any longer."

Emmett did a fist pump in the air and was instantly by my side, throwing me into his Jeep.

"Whoa, Em, slow down!" I shrieked with laughter. "Where are we going."

"To your surprise, Bellalicious! Now shut your yap and close your eyes!"

It wasn't a long drive, but I was really anxious to see where he was taking me. When I felt the Jeep stop, I started to open my eyes, but Emmett was faster. He was already around to my side and had the door open. He put his massive paw over my eyes and pulled me down to the pavement.

"Now Bella, I know that you have been looking for some sort of identity, and a place to call your own. I want you to know that those are the reasons that I purchased this for you, and I hope you can take it and make something beautiful out of it."

Now to say that I was confused by Emmett's soliloquy would be an understatement. How could he know all of those things about me. Emmett was a clown. A big burly looking, teddy bear clown. Those things did a good job of hiding the intelligent man inside of his head. Emmett was truly one of a kind.

He uncovered my eyes, and I looked up to see a bookstore. There was a CLOSED sign in the window. It was a small brick building that fit right in with the neighborhood.

"You bought me some books?"

"No, Bells. I bought you the whole damn store. You can name it whatever you want, and fill it with whatever you want. If that happens to be porn, I'm all for it."

I would have elbowed him, but I like my elbows too much.

It was starting to sink in. A store. Emmett bought me a book store. My very own store.

"Em, how will I compete with the chains?"

"Bella, this was a Mom & Pop store that faced the same dilemma. With your knowledge of books and literature, I think you can make your own little corner in the market, catering to the people that those big chain stores leave out. The bookkeeper has offered to stay on for a couple of weeks to get you familiar with the operations of the store and the suppliers. I just know you can take this place and make it work."

"This is my store?"

Emmett nodded at me with a huge grin on his face.

"This is my store."

Still grinning.

I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Em, you are the best big brother bear in the whole world! I think this is just what I need, and I know it is what I have always wanted! I just, I can't. . . .oh Emmett, I love you SO much!" I cried as the tears came rolling down my face.

"Do you want to go inside, Bellisima?" Em whispered in my ear.

"Just try and keep me out!" I said as I laughed and ran for the door.

This is my store, and I couldn't be happier!

********

Emmett showed me around the store, and gave me my key. He said that the bookkeeper, who I found out later was named Jordan Cooper, would be in tomorrow to go over some things with me. I had some ideas to change the decor, but I knew Esme would be a great help to me too.

Emmett and I were headed back to the Cullen house in the Jeep when he told me that he had a stop to make before we got there.

We were almost to their house when Em pulled into a short driveway and up to a nice little cottage. It was strange - this cottage appeared to be on the Cullen's property, but wasn't anything I had ever noticed. It was a cute little place, and I wondered what we would be doing here.

As we hopped out and approached the front door, it opened. Just under the threshold stood Esme, smiling brightly.

"Bella, darling. Welcome home!"

I ran up to hug her and told her thank you. "Esme, Emmett said we had to stop off here, but he never said what for. Whose house is this?"

"It is your house, dear."

"WHAT?"

"Well, we knew how much you craved a place of your own, but none of us could bear to let you go. So. . .we spruced up this little cottage and decided to give it to you."

"Esme, this is gorgeous, but you can't just give it to me. Emmett just bought me a book store, and this, this is too much!"

"Bella, dear, you are family. We want to do this for you."

"I'll buy it. Sell it to me, Esme. Let me do this, for once, on my own. . . sort of."

I finally got her to agree to sell it to me after I toured the inside. It was, of course, perfect for me in every way. I'm bid high, she offered low. We eventually met in the middle, but I know it was no where hear what this cottage and the furnishings are worth. I suspect she gave the money to charity. I'm fine with that.

I, Bella Swan Richards, am a home owner and a member of the business community. This is a good thing. Now. . .what am I forgetting?

* * *

**Please read and review. I know I don't deserve, but I crave it none the less.**

**Sparkly kisses and Emmett bear hugs to you all!**


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